Some Days are Hard. I Know. I Really Do Know.

I posted this on my FB page tonight. Maybe someone here needs to hear it, too. <3
Love and prayers, dear ones. You are deeply loved.
Jerri

It's Wednesday, and the week is supposed to be half finished, but sometimes what is coming next is bigger than anything you thing you can handle. I've had those days. I've had those evenings when I desperately needed to sleep but couldn't because...how do you breathe to sleep when you are being suffocated by the nightmare your life is right now?

 

Beloved, if you know what I'm talking about right now, can I give you a hug here and now? Can I offer you some coffee or tea and a place to just sit? If I could, I would teleport you right to this couch beside me, give you kleenex and coffee, and we would talk long and deep, and you would know you are not alone on this road. But since I can't do that, let me hug you through prayer.

 

Father, I lift up your beloveds who are reading this, or the beloveds that are coming to mind of those reading this, and I ask you to meet them in a powerful way. Tonight is coming down hard, Father, and the rest of the week or maybe next week is coming down harder, and the giants look big, but I know you are bigger, and I ask you to show your beloveds that you are bigger. Meet their every need, Father. Above everything else, show them you love them. They can take a lot of hits if they know they are deeply loved and that every hit hurts your heart for them. Lord, the hardest thing is feeling abandoned and inconsequential. I pray that those who are feeling that right now would know it is a lie, that they are priceless to you, that you are working for them, that your heart is Life for them and in them, for their kids or grandkids. Lord, I am asking you to breathe into them breath of life because they feel like they are dying inside, and speak encouragment to them. Speak peace to them. Give them a word from you that says you really do hear and you really do have them. Speak to their hearts. They need relief, Lord. Give them a reprieve. Give them some laughter. Give them the strength of joy in you.

 

Thank you for how much you love every single person reading this and how you are fighting for their peace and answers. You are their protector, strong tower, and refuge. Thank you for hearing my prayer on their behalf.

 

Father, give them crowns of beauty for their tattered robes and dancing instead of their mourning.

 

Thank you. I love you, Lord God. I love you. Amen.

 

Blessings, love, and prayers to each of you,

Jerri

 

www.jerrikelley.com

The Truth about Monday Moods

I don't think it is so much that it is a Monday mood. I think Monday just fell right into the middle of this mood.

You know what I find amazing in the shock and awe kind of knock-you-off-kilter kind of way?

I find it amazing that I can honestly be happy with myself and my life, I can honestly feel excited about so much, I can honestly be proud of my kids and what they are doing...and find myself sitting at the bottom of a lot-is-happening right now avalanche.

So I've spent the day pushing forward, working through the to do list.
I've taken scripture breaks, sat and read and reread verses that truly do speak to my soul.
I've laid my concerns before the Lord on His altar knowing He hears, knowing He has this, knowing we are in the perfect hands.

In the midst of the avalanche, the voices start their whispering.
They tell me nothing I do matters.
They tell me my plans are crazy.
They tell me I really haven't made any progress.
They tell me it is pointless to this or that because no one notices or cares.
They say I'm not necessary because other people write on the topics I would write on or inspire people through speeches or blog to thousands of readers. I'm not necessary.

They lie.

The voices lie.

You know how I know?

Because I know loving people always matters. When people love me, it matters to me. When I love others, it matters to them.
My plans aren't crazy. They are just bigger than I am, which means I pray, wait, listen, move. While I am moving what I can, God is moving what only He can.
There is a lot of healing and change that goes on in the quiet places that allows for life to be seen in the public ones. Foundations take time. Mine has taken seven years, but it is solid.
What I do...is care about people. I pray for people. I ask God for words to speak into lives, to give hope, to offer light in a dark place.
Yes, other people do what I do, but they don't have my story or my way of telling it, and there are people who will hear my story and find truth that helps them hold on when they want to quit or help them heal when they think it is impossible. To those people, I am necessary because my story helps them write a story they may think is only a dream but with God, becomes reality.

That is the Truth.

I pray you are able to see the Truth of Monday for you and your life, too.

Love and prayers,
Jerri

Beautiful

I had a really sad conversation with someone last night, and it still bothers me, so I am going to talk about it here because...it is still on my mind, and writing is what I do.

 

She had seen a picture of me and commented on how happy I look, and I told her I am happy. In fact, across the board, this is the best place I have ever been in my life--heart, soul, mind, and body. I told her I reached the place I always wanted to reach. I look in the mirror and see a truly beautiful person, and I love being me. There is honestly no one else I would want to be.

 

She said I look like I've lost weight. Yep, 30 pounds. She asked how, and I told her watching calories, weights, and cardio. Then she said, "Well, no wonder you look happy. Telling yourself you are a muscle building, fat burning machine has got to feel good. Just looking at your mirror everyday and saying that has got to be helping you."

 

I stopped.

 

What?

 

"Well, when you tell yourself positive things about yourself, it helps your self-esteem. I bet losing 30 pounds has given you lots of good stuff to say."

 

I realize, she thought this was a compliment, but I thought it was incredibly sad because clearly she missed it.

 

I don't think I'm beautiful because of my body. I"m 49, still have sugar glider arms, carried two 9-pound babies and have the stretchmarks to prove it, have 50 more pounds to go to be in my happy range, and really don't like how my ankles look. Trust me. Beauty is not about my body.

 

I don't think I am beautiful because of my face. I like the red hair; without it, I am significantly grey. I have wrinkles around my eyes. I've always wanted fuller lips, and when I smile, one eye looks smaller than the other. Plus, I have this long forehead. Nope. Beautiiful is not in my face. Although, I do like my looks. Really.

 

What this person didn't understand was my statement:

I've become the person I want to be.

 

This is what I mean. The person I want to be and have become--

--answers the phone or goes to lunch or has coffee with someone who "wants to know how (I am)" but talks for 2 hours about themselves...and is okay that they trust me to listen even if they don't want to listen to me. (It is a very great priivliege when people trust you with their hearts.)

--has watched It's a Wonderful Life dozens of times...and still cries at the end.

--answers my phone in the middle of the night because I know sometimes the middle of the nighti s a hellish nightmare.

--likes steak...and a hotdog cookout equally, not because of the food but because of the people.

--loves playing board games with my kids.

--loves how hard I've had to work to get thinner.

--loves pushing myself beyond my comfort zone...even when it scares me a lot.

--loves the adventuresome side of me that I'm giving room to grow.

--has wisdom only God could give, and that is pretty groovy.

--loves the intimacy I share with the Lord. It is breathtaking.

 

What I love about me is how much I enjoy life and how my faith has grown and peace is so pervasive even when circumstances are not my ideal.

 

Like i told my friend last night, I don't look in the mirror and tell myself good things so I can love who I am; I love who i am, so I tell myself good things.

 

Here is the reality. Not everyone is physically capable of having a swimsuit issue body. Not all of us are going to have model perfect faces, no matter what we do. And even if we did, all of that can be gone in heartbeat. A car wreck. Burn. Stroke. Heart diagnosis. Arthritis. Poof! The physical you is gone, and you are along for the ride, but who you choose to be, the way you choose to live your life, the way you invest in and value people...those things are the beautiful parts. And that is beauty you can choose. And, it is beautiful no matter what goes on around you. In fact, when all goes crazy around you, that kind of beauty only becomes more beautiful.

 

Stay beautiful!

 

Love and prayers,

Jerri Kelley

www.jerrikelley.com