It's one of those days when I simply miss Rob. Everything seems to remind me of him.
We went to the movie theatre. I'm not one for movies, but Rob loved them. He was big about first day movies. Well, some of them. As we walked in, I saw the advertisement for Thor. He was looking forward to going to that one.
I mowed the yard this morning, and there are trees growing in the rock retaining wall. This time each year we'd spend the day working in the yard. I'd mow, clean out flowerbeds, and put leaves in the compost pile. Rob would dig up the trees trying to grow between the rocks, cut limbs over the sitting area, and clean off the roof. When we were done, we'd take a long nap and watch TV. Usually one of us would rub the other's shoulders or legs or back, and we'd just be. It wasn't glorious...and it was.
On the way to the movie theatre, we listened to Ray Stevens. I could hear Rob spurting quotes.
"How did you get that big ol' motorcycle up on that high dive."
I thought about one of the funny text conversations we had. He texted:
"Standing in line at Walmart."
"Wearing nothing but my fezz."
"People keep staring. I think they are jealous because it has a propellor on top."
When he was on the road, he'd call, and sometimes when I answered, he'd say, "It's me again, Margaret."
I always laughed and asked, "Do you have a rubber chicken and peach preserves?"
His laughter would ring through the phone, and he'd say, "You know it, babe."
He had an amazing laugh and an amazing smile.
Tonight I was going to make chicken kabobs on the grill. I just stood at the grill and stared. I can use the grill. I know how, and I know how to make chicken, but it makes my stomach turn because I see Rob there in his shorts and t-shirt, working his food magic. He was a Grill King.
And I wonder how long days like this will come. I wonder how long I will have days that would be easier spent in bed trying to sleep through the sadness.
I know. The key is to look forward because God is doing wonderful things, and He has great plans. I do know that.
I also know Rob and I got a lot wrong, but when we got it right, it was amazing, and there were a lot of things I didn't like about our marriage, but there were a lot of things I loved about him, and today, those things seem to be everywhere.
I feel your pain, Jerri, and I'm glad that you remember the good things about your marriage even though they make you sad to remember at this time. It just lets you know that for a very long time you had a very good marriage and that is a good thing for your kids to know, too. I know that in comforting a person, too many words are not the best way. So if I were beside you, I would put my arms around your shoulders and weep with you. My heart weeps with you right now. You don't have to apologize for loving a husband that you were getting a divorce from. There were more good times than bad, it seems and I'm glad you are choosing to rejoice in the good although it is bittersweet. Love you, dear friend. I am here anytime you want to talk. So glad you have my precious friend Lisa to talk with. What a doll she is!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Karen
Karen, thank you so much. Blessings, dear one.
ReplyDeleteJerri, {{hugs}}! I remember lots of great moments with my hubby when he was my hubby. He was great in many ways. I see our children and know that the I did the right thing in marrying him and raising our children together. Now, in 8 days, he will be someone else's husband and my heart hurts a lot over that, but it doesn't steal away what he and I once had or the opportunities we still have to parent our children together. Your post has encouraged me to remind our kids of the good times we had rather than to pretend it's all just what was.
ReplyDeleteMizzbrizz, I have thought of you often in the last week while I was gone. I've prayed for you. I hope you are well. I cannot imagine that pain. As strange as it may sound, God protected me from that.
ReplyDeleteAre you okay?