Are You a Romantic...No...

The question came out of the blue.

"Are you a romantic?"

Lady I was chatting with while waiting for an appointment. Watching TV, we started up a conversation about what we watch regularly, movies we've seen, the ones we liked. She is in her early 30s and "although I got divorced a few years ago, I'm still a romantic." I smiled. Then she slammed me with the innocent question of whether I am or not.

Thankfully, my name was called before I had time to answer. I simple smiled, told her I enjoyed talking to her (which I did), and wished her a lovely day.

But the question has stuck with me.

If I had answered, though, I would have said no, I am not a romantic. I would have confessed that I no longer believe in knights in shining armor that come riding in to save the damsel in distress. I no longer believe in that magic wand "fairy tale ending" where people live "happily ever after". In fact, I hear that kind of stuff, and I am generally repulsed. In fact, I despise the lie our culture feeds our girls and boys and men and women concerning relationships and romance. I find it offensive in every way.

I abhor the idea that a woman has to be in distress for a man to find her alluring. I hate the suggestion that my daughter needs a man to help her get through life because she is too emotionally weak to handle life on her own. I despise the idea that women are just waiting around for some strong man to come find them in their needy state.

I loathe the idea that men can never need to lean on someone else, can never need to be found, cannot be a normal human being. I hate the unrealistic expectations placed on men to be superman who takes care of everyone else because they are never affected by what rocks everyone else' world, and then we criticize them for not knowing how to be vulnerable and intimate.

The garbage that society tries to pawn off as "romance" is so offensive and so destructive.

First of all, it tells girls they have to be weak to be loved and they need someone to save them because heaven forbid we embrace the idea that God made girls and women strong enough to save others.

Second, it tells men women have to be weaker for men to be real men. What does that do to a man's image of a strong woman? It tells men that weak women, damsels in distress, those needing to be saved are real women. That is how a woman should be, and if a woman is strong, independent, and self-sufficient? Well, society has a word for women like that, doesn't it?

Third, it sets up false expectations in marriage. Men cannot hold up under the weight of that, and if they try, the world will collapse. No where in the Bible does it say God made man to carry the world on his shoulders. No. It says, "God saw man and said it is not good for man to be alone, so He made someone to walk with him." Women don't know how to walk with their husbands because if their husband is a mere mortal, the women think he is a failure, and men don't know how to let their women walk with them because they are trying desperately not to be a failure.

And, let's be real. This kind of romance is seductive. If a young man asked me how to get a girl to sleep with him, or if a man asked me how to get a woman in bed with him, I would tell him to play romantic music, take her to see a romantic movie, fill her mind with ideas that he is the one to take care of her, throw in some alcohol because we all know wine is a key component to "romance", tell her all those things the songs say and the movie says, and be willing to take some time. Guaranteed recipe for getting laid. And if we are really real, a lot of men would admit they have used that recipe, and a lot of women would admit it worked.

So am I romantic? No. I am not a romantic...and yes, I am. In fact, I am a hopeless romantic. Come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you more.