Hey, y'all! I feel like it has been forever since I told you my hateful scales told me I had gained three pounds in less than 48 hours. Lying little bugger. Truthfully, it hasn't been forever, only three weeks, and a few folks thought the silence is because my mouth was full of food. Actually, no.
The big question I was asked is if I am "sticking with it".
I know. What those folks were asking is if I am sticking with my diet despite these discouraging setbacks.
Well, I tried to make it clear with my first post I'm not on a diet. As the title says on each post, this is my FITNESS JOURNEY. This isn't about getting skinny or seeing a number on a scale. This is about a lifestyle I want back. So, yes, I am sticking with that.
As for where I have been, the three pound manic moment with my scale had nothing to do with it. What happened was five days later I injured my arm and couldn't use it. Like not to lift weights or feed myself or type. Thankfully, I found Maren, a great massage therapist (answer to prayer), and between her and prayers, my arm is functional again, although tender at times. That was the first week of silence.
Week two was caused when I was using a push mower to get some of my backyard under control while my tractor mower is being fixed, and the handle ended up hitting right above my kneecap and popping it backward...twice. Thankfully, the muscles ended up bruised, but no major damage was done. Still, it took over week of healing before I could walk Semper a mile without it becoming so swollen and painful I couldn't sleep. Then it was another few days before I could actually walk Semper without it swelling or getting stiff at all.
So that is three weeks of virtually no workouts, and honestly, if my whole goal was about seeing a number get smaller, I would be going insane sitting on my behind. However, in the big scheme of a fit lifestyle, being healthy means fitness, so the three weeks of my body doing its thing is still part of the program.
Granted, during those three weeks I didn't lose weight, but I didn't gain either, so I'm good. It means maintenance is solid despite eating stuff I really enjoy but isn't "healthy". That is good to know.
Today I was back on the road, except I only walked three miles, not the normal four. Again, no big deal. I'll keep this distance a few days, see how my knee is handling it, and increase the distance. The same is true for weights. I'm going to drop down about 10%-15% and let my body reacclimatize to the demands and add a little at a time.
To me, a fitness journey means I realize life happens. Injuries happen. Sickness happens. I don't let those things discourage me. Some folks call them 'setbacks'. I don't. It's just life. So I role with it and keep going.
Now, I will also tell you I am not going to be the size I had hoped to be when I start college next month. I've had to adjust some expectations, but that isn't defeat in my mind. It's just adjusting. I will still get there because I still love walking and being in the gym and working in my yard and...living this life, which is really what this journey is about. It's about having a life I love, so yea, I'm sticking with it. :-)
Stay on the journey...even when it feels like an uphill climb. :-)
Jerri
Monday, July 31, 2017
Grief isn't about the Past, Which is Why it Takes Time to Get Past Grief
I looked through the pictures as I copied them to the USB drive. Pictures of toddlers, preschoolers, elementary kids, junior high kids, high schoolers, and now young adults. They span a decade and a half, and I look and I smile and laugh and remember. My heart was joy full.
But then...there were pictures of a decade of 30s with his small children he could let climb on his back and could sit on his foot and he could still walk like a robot. Pictures of him playing chase and throwing snowballs and dancing with his daughter's bare feet on top of his and wrestling his Favorite Boy. Pictures of NASCAR races and Valentine dances and Lego creations galore.
Then they stop.
The pictures of him.
The pictures of the kids continue, but none are with him.
And you know what? All those amazing memories of their dad aren't want make my kids said. When he died six years ago, it wasn't all those memories that made them grieve. Really. It wasn't.
What made them grieve were the pictures that would never be taken.
See, grief isn't about missing the past, although it may feel like it because the past is something tangible we can see and know and experience. Grief is about missing today and tomorrow and the prom and picking out a car and waling down an aisle.
Grief is about the big empty possibilities of what could have been and we feel should have been.
It is the phone calls and conversations that never happen and the coffee that doesn't get drank and the movies that never get discussed.
Grief isn't what the past was. It is about what today and the future won't be.
People try to make it easier by saying it was just a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend for a season, family pet, family member, and it shouldn't be so hard and the grieving should get over it, but that really dismisses the reality of grief.
Because that boyfriend/girlfriend isn't the one to call when that quirky thing happens anymore, and the Guinea pig isn't going to snuggle anymore, and the friend isn't going to call, and that family member isn't going to hug you the way she always did, and there are a million little holes we have to adjust to because the person who filled them no longer does, and we are grieving the joy that could have filled those holes.
That is grief.
And it takes time to adjust to those holes, to miss what could have been there, to feel joy in what is there now, and you know what, that's okay. It's okay that you miss the joy and what was and you wish for more of it. And it's okay if today is hard or the next three months are fine and you hit a hole and feel like you just fell on your emotional face. Really, it's okay.
Some holes get filled pretty easily or quickly. Some remain gaping open for the rest of your life because nothing can fill them, but God can give comfort to handle them and to find joy in what is there so you aren't lost in what is missing. You know, that is okay too. To find joy in what is here. It doesn't devalue what it missing. It just gives acknowledgement to the joy you are gifted with now, and it really is okay to feel joy now.
For those who are feeling the weight of the empty, my prayers and heart are with you. Even as you walk through the gaping holes, may you find comfort and be gifted with joy.
Love and prayers for your comfort, joy, peace, and healing,
Jerri
But then...there were pictures of a decade of 30s with his small children he could let climb on his back and could sit on his foot and he could still walk like a robot. Pictures of him playing chase and throwing snowballs and dancing with his daughter's bare feet on top of his and wrestling his Favorite Boy. Pictures of NASCAR races and Valentine dances and Lego creations galore.
Then they stop.
The pictures of him.
The pictures of the kids continue, but none are with him.
And you know what? All those amazing memories of their dad aren't want make my kids said. When he died six years ago, it wasn't all those memories that made them grieve. Really. It wasn't.
What made them grieve were the pictures that would never be taken.
See, grief isn't about missing the past, although it may feel like it because the past is something tangible we can see and know and experience. Grief is about missing today and tomorrow and the prom and picking out a car and waling down an aisle.
Grief is about the big empty possibilities of what could have been and we feel should have been.
It is the phone calls and conversations that never happen and the coffee that doesn't get drank and the movies that never get discussed.
Grief isn't what the past was. It is about what today and the future won't be.
People try to make it easier by saying it was just a boyfriend/girlfriend, friend for a season, family pet, family member, and it shouldn't be so hard and the grieving should get over it, but that really dismisses the reality of grief.
Because that boyfriend/girlfriend isn't the one to call when that quirky thing happens anymore, and the Guinea pig isn't going to snuggle anymore, and the friend isn't going to call, and that family member isn't going to hug you the way she always did, and there are a million little holes we have to adjust to because the person who filled them no longer does, and we are grieving the joy that could have filled those holes.
That is grief.
And it takes time to adjust to those holes, to miss what could have been there, to feel joy in what is there now, and you know what, that's okay. It's okay that you miss the joy and what was and you wish for more of it. And it's okay if today is hard or the next three months are fine and you hit a hole and feel like you just fell on your emotional face. Really, it's okay.
Some holes get filled pretty easily or quickly. Some remain gaping open for the rest of your life because nothing can fill them, but God can give comfort to handle them and to find joy in what is there so you aren't lost in what is missing. You know, that is okay too. To find joy in what is here. It doesn't devalue what it missing. It just gives acknowledgement to the joy you are gifted with now, and it really is okay to feel joy now.
For those who are feeling the weight of the empty, my prayers and heart are with you. Even as you walk through the gaping holes, may you find comfort and be gifted with joy.
Love and prayers for your comfort, joy, peace, and healing,
Jerri
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Easy Doesn't Forge Intimacy. Staying Faithful in the Hard Places Does.
Dear Lord, so this past week I prayed you would take me down the road that leads me to faith so practiced that when circumstances happen, I don't even see them. I only see you. Thank you for answering me and not being afraid of my knee jerk reactions while I keep practicing. Thank you for not freaking out when I pinch my finger really hard with the snake when I tried to get it down the drain. Thank you for Chris saying to let the plumber who is fixing the broken pipe under the house also clean the pipe in the house. Thank you that when I sat in my room with tears running down my frustrated face because I'm really tired of the "new day new issue" pattern lately and I said, "But you know what, you are still God, and you are still mine, and you are still good. This is a detail. YOU are solid," I could feel you breath as you whispered, "Atta girl." And thank you that you aren't even annoyed at me because I forgot that I asked you for tihs road. Thank you for reminding me that I asked. Thank you that this is not abandonment or punishment but an answer, that this is the road to deeper intimacy, that you are all in becaus nothing brings you more joy than to be intimate with you beloved. Thank you that faith isn't forged in the green pastures but in the hard roads and trying paths and blaring battle fields when I look up and not only are you handling the event, but you are handling me in all of my glory and lack thereof. Thank you that this is the very thing you signed up for and desire...relationship in the chaos that lets me experience your faithfulness, kindness, mercy, and generosity. In this moment, my faith isn't built because the pipes are fixed. No. My faith is built because you are sitting here in the fullness of me when they are broken. Your love is breathtaking, and I am undone by you.
--Jerri L. Kelley--
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Because He has What We Really Need
Father, I lift up the person reading this right now, and I ask you to speak into their heart, spirit, and mind what they need to here for the purpose of increased intimacy with you. Some folks need hope, and I ask you to pour hope into them through scripture, music, a beautiful moment, or human hands. Some need to feel loved, and I ask you to speak their love language loud and clear so they don't miss it. Some need a solid slap on the wrist or butt because they are be rebellious, and you do not bless rebellion. Show them where they are the obstacle to relationship with you. Show them the importance of repentance so they can be forgiven and purified from all unrighteousness, not just because you demand it but because it keeps us from doing stupid things that keep hurting our families, relationships, jobs, and so on. Becoming like you makes EVERYTHING that is really important better. Thank you for being a good Father who loves us, encourages us, and corrects us. Thank you that your love is not a wimpy one that is afraid to fight for us or to tell us no. Thank you that you are fierce for us. You are such an amazing place of safety and refuge. I love you so much! Thank you for hearing my prayers that I lay before you in the name of your Son Jesus, Amen.
--Jerri L. Kelley--
Monday, July 24, 2017
Blessings and Burdens
Great day over here.
WG finished a really nice dress at the costume shop and is starting a new project tomorrow with Ms. Robin's help and supplies.
WB got a great report at the orthodontist's.
Nearly all the name changing is done.
I chose to put down volunteering as a CASA advocate for now, which was...sigh....BUT the Lord had already been talking to me about all the "blessings" that I hold onto that have become burdens because they are from a different time and for a differ...ent reason, and then David Wahlstedt just confirmed it with his blog.
The truth is as much as I want to be a CASA volunteer I still have two kids at home, and I am going back to school again for the first time in a long time, and maybe learning how to have a relationship with my adult kids is really where my energy needs to be right now because, wow, it is not as easy as one might think, this having adults in teh house with minds and ways of their own.
And that is hard for us to get, isn't it? That the blessings we hold with clenched fists can be the very burdens keeping us from healing or growing or having peace.
It could be stuff we own. It could be things we do. It could be that thing we are obsessed with and pray for every single day that eclipses everything else God wants to do or we could become.
Yeah, sometimes the greatest blessing is being told we can let go of what is waiting us down so we can have what lets us be more or do more or have more or be better in relationships than we ever imagined.
Blessings...even the ones you put down...
Jerri L. Kelley
WG finished a really nice dress at the costume shop and is starting a new project tomorrow with Ms. Robin's help and supplies.
WB got a great report at the orthodontist's.
Nearly all the name changing is done.
I chose to put down volunteering as a CASA advocate for now, which was...sigh....BUT the Lord had already been talking to me about all the "blessings" that I hold onto that have become burdens because they are from a different time and for a differ...ent reason, and then David Wahlstedt just confirmed it with his blog.
The truth is as much as I want to be a CASA volunteer I still have two kids at home, and I am going back to school again for the first time in a long time, and maybe learning how to have a relationship with my adult kids is really where my energy needs to be right now because, wow, it is not as easy as one might think, this having adults in teh house with minds and ways of their own.
And that is hard for us to get, isn't it? That the blessings we hold with clenched fists can be the very burdens keeping us from healing or growing or having peace.
It could be stuff we own. It could be things we do. It could be that thing we are obsessed with and pray for every single day that eclipses everything else God wants to do or we could become.
Yeah, sometimes the greatest blessing is being told we can let go of what is waiting us down so we can have what lets us be more or do more or have more or be better in relationships than we ever imagined.
Blessings...even the ones you put down...
Jerri L. Kelley
Sunday, July 23, 2017
The One Thing That Really Matters
So WonderGirl and I went to see a play today for one of her classes. The take away is something I have said so many times.
You can't always control what happens in life.
You control how you react to what happens in life.
I often get asked how the kids and I came through 2010 and 2011 so well and reached the point of joy and excitement we have now.
They kids believed me because they saw it in me. That's it. Right there.
There was no great self-help book. We didn't spend months in counseling (less than 10 hours total, actually). We never took meds. We didn't go to classes. We didn't listen to DVDs or this teaching or that teaching.
And we have tried to live that with undaunted faith.
--Jerri L. Kelley--
You can't always control what happens in life.
You control how you react to what happens in life.
I often get asked how the kids and I came through 2010 and 2011 so well and reached the point of joy and excitement we have now.
I decided no person and no event defined us.
Only God defined us.
They kids believed me because they saw it in me. That's it. Right there.
There was no great self-help book. We didn't spend months in counseling (less than 10 hours total, actually). We never took meds. We didn't go to classes. We didn't listen to DVDs or this teaching or that teaching.
We asked a question:
God, what do you say about us?
God, what do you say about us?
--Jerri L. Kelley--
Saturday, July 22, 2017
Sabbath Blessings
Blessed Sabbath to each of you.
May you find rest for your body, mind, soul, and spirit.
May you rest in Him.
May you worship Him for He is worthy.
May you not tell Him all the stuff you didn't like about your week or don't like about your life but tell Him all the beautiful things you love about Him.
May it not be a day of ritual, but a day of intimacy between lovers.
May you find uncondemning truth in Him, even when that truth is that you need to repent of something.
May you find peace in Him and couage to address the things in yourself that destroy your peace.
Shalom,
Jerri
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