The Awesome Beauty of a Small God

I know I say this often, but God leaves me in utter awe, not at the fact He made the cosmos or makes the sun rise every morning or controls huge thunderstorms, although those rock, too. What leaves me most in awe is the tender way He loves me. There are things He does for me that are so very special, that no one else knows I like. There are days when I can't stop thinking about my parents, and someone will just casually mention them in the sweetest way. There are days when all the changes seem so heavy, and He will send someone to take a bit of the load by praying with me. There are days when the purple irises up the road are in glorious bloom and I only saw them because something made me go a direction I normally don't. Yes. He is awesome in power and immensity and greatness. He is awesome in how intimate He is with my smallness and how my smallness is so important to Him.

 

I hope you feel the awesome wonder of how small He can be for you, too.

Night,

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

Because Sometimes Some of Us Wonder if We are Too Much Ourselves and Not Enough Something Else

I've mentioned umpteen times I have ADD, and honestly, I think it is one of the best things ever. However, I also find it almost ravenous in its need to be fed. Some of you creatives know what I mean. For a few years now, I've been able to feed it okay. Amazing how just mentally/emotionally/physically getting to a healthy place really sucks down the energy, but it has been good. About a year ago those demands really started to diminish because, thank the Lord, I am at a great place, but then, the boredom started to creep in. I learned that bordeom is not always bad when the Lord is using that down time to let you rejuvenate and replenish your energy. You actually need some down time just to get filled up after all the pour out, so the times has been good, but in the last month or two, the boredom has become more and more draining, not energizing, so I've been looking at things I "would do if I could". Nothing really overwhelming, so I started praying for God to open doors no man could close and close doors no man could open, and I have to tell you, I would have never even knocked on a few of the doors that have appeared. However, they seem to fit. In fact, I am seeing how a lot of the stuff I've learned in my life recreated period fits perfectly into those doors.

 

Now, between us, I am uber excited about these doors and the potential they hold. I am also pretty nervous. In fact, yesterday was a day when I had to fight through flat out fear because...well, what if these people I want to work with don't like me? I mean, seriously. What if...they don't like me?

 

What if I am not exactly what they are looking for?

What if I'm too much me and not enough of their ideal?

 

I told my friends Mitzi and Heather it is like dating and really like someone and wondering what I need to modify to be more appealing.

 

Except, I'm not going to modify anything.

 

Because the fact is, I really like me, and if I modify myself, then I'm going to change something I like, and no man...no job...no door is worth that.

 

But more than that, why would the God who calls me fearfully and wonderfully made put me in a place where He knows I have to modify His creation to fit? Could it be that if those people who determine how open the doors are will either like me as I am or not be the people God wants me to work with?

 

Now, understand, I'm not talking about arrogant or proud refusal to adjust. We are called to humble ourselves, but there is a difference between humbling ourselves and lying about who we are so someone digs us.

 

This morning I woke up just as unsure about what will happen witt those doors as I was yesterday, but I am more sure of this:

The God who made me has made the place for me.

The image of Him that lives in me is necessary.

He will open the door where HE is allowed to be all He is in me.

 

That is the place of peace because that is the place I put my faith in the Lord's character and ability to work everything out for my good and His glory.

 

Praying for you to stand in who you are in Him,

for you to love the person HE made you to me,

for you to walk boldly through open doors--even the suprise ones,

for you to know you are crazy loved.

 

Love and blessings,

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

A Prayer for Those Grieving

Father, this morning I know several people who are grieving and feeling the emptiness of loss. I lift them up to you. I ask you to speak comfort to their aching places, and I ask you to give them courage as they walk through this valley. Give them the courage to look beyond the grief to the joy that memories will bring, and I ask that during this grieving you would give them reprieves--reprieves from the pain so they can breathe and think without the fog of hurt and loss feeling like it is sucking the life out of them and a reprieve from the forward march so they can grieve deeply and honestly. I ask that you protect them from thoughtless statements of others that inflict more pain, and I ask you to send kind hands and words to encourage them, to carry them when need be. I ask you to impart hope for a day that doesn't hurt "like this one does".

 

And, Father, for those who feel alone because of so much loss, I ask that you would speak as only you can. Be the presence only You can be. Give hope of how you can fill the void because you can. Your word promises that you sit the lonely in families. You take care of orphans, widows, and the lonely because you know it is not good for us to be alone.

 

I pray that each of these people grieving this morning would know with all they are that they are not alone. That you are with them, that they are loved, and you are filling the empty places if they have the courage to heal and love again. And sometimes, Father, that takes a LOT of courage. I ask you to give them that courage too.

 

Thank you, Father, for the precious lives that have lived and poured into each of these who are grieving. Thank you for the gift these loved ones have been. THank you for how they have made each of these people better, enriched their lives, continue to impact the world through their influence. Thank you for these beautiful treasures that are being celebrated evening among, and with, the tears. You give lavish gifts, and these who are being mourned are incredibly lavish gifts. Thank you.

 

Father, thank you for hearing my prayer. Thank you for answering in your love and mercy. Thank you for being a kind, gentle, and concerned God. I praise you for your trustyworthiness and your tenderness. You are beautiful, and I thank you for who you are.

 

With faith for answers to each of these petitions and absolute certainty of your love and concern, I pray in Jesus' name. Amen

 

--Jerri L. Kelley--

www.jerrikelley.com

Enough

Thursday morning coming in wet and soggy with low-lying clouds and the reality that we'll want all this water in July and August but right now....Did I mention it is a LOT of water?

 

But as I sit here looking out the window at the small lake formerly known as my backyard, I am fascinated. I don't see water. I see sky. I see the reflection of things higher than.

 

Higher than my thoughts.

Higher than my ways.

Higher than I can dream or imagine.

Higher than where I am looking obviously.

 

Sometimes I get so caught up at looking down at what I think is too much or not necessary or just flat destructive, I need God to use the lower to reflect what is above me.

 

And you know what I see in those reflected clouds? Hope.

 

I see a sky that will break forth sunshine.

I see light places that are not as heavy as others.

I see heaven.

When I look up, I see beyond the skies to haven beyond and the God who reigns there...who reigns here...even in the hard rains and all the water.

 

This morning I am asking Him simply:

What do you want me to see?

In the reflection, in the heavens beyond, in the water that covers so much of the beneath...what do you want me to see?

I know you are in all of it. Open my eyes to see you. To know you. Help me look beyond what I'm tired of and have had enough of so I can see how you are showing me...once again...even more beautifully...you are enough.

 

And isn't that what He wants us to know? That in everything, HE is enough,

Isn't that what hard does? Reflect the truth that makes us look up so we see and know He is enough.

Isn't that the crux of our faith? He is enough.

Especially when we have hit the wall and too much is screaming how we are not enough too handle it all, He is enough.

 

I'm praying for you this morning, that even in whatever over-saturated with hard you are facing or are in, that you can find rest in the Truth that HE is enough.

 

God's blessings,

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

Had Your Fill of a Season? Perhaps God is Using the Season to Fill You

Wednesday in North Texas, and it is raining...more. But you know what? The lakes are filling up. The reservoirs are filling up, and when the heat hits, the water will be there to sustain us.

 

Kind of like life, isn't it? We get tired of the season we are in. We get tired of the "more" of something, and we are ready to move on, and yet, it lingers. It is really easy to grumbly during those times and miss the blessing, but here is the Truth.

 

If something lingers, it's because God has a lasting purpose for it, and it may just be that its purrpose is to help you last.

 

See, if we lean into God during the times of "more than what we wanted", then we get more of what we need when there isn't enough of us to make it through the hard.

 

If we lean into God when we are tired of what is going on, then we have more of God when we are just flat tired.

 

Praying for you this morning.

 

Love and prayers,

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

A Prophetic Word for Those Seeking Him--"Be Still and Learn Me"

This morning when I was praying, I asked the Lord if He had anything to share with y'all, and He said a lot of you are stressing about the next step or the next path or an outcome. You are stressed because you can't see what is coming and you want guaranteed outcomes, guaranteed blessings. Those things don't exist. What you are asking for does not exist. You are asking for what is easy and you want to know it will be easy and not hard and not hurtful, but that is not biblical. Hard things come. Hurtful things come, but in those things HE comes.

So if you want to know the answer to your question and seeking, this is what HE said:

 

BE STILL.

All the answers are in Me.

All your wisdom is in Me.

All your peace is in Me.

Be still.

Do not be anxious thinking I won't hear you.

Don't be anxious thinking I don't care aobut you.

Do you not think I want you to be blessed?

Do you not think I want to do good for you?

My heart is for you.

Your success is My success.

Why would I not want this for you?

YOu worry because you do not know Me, because you do not know My heart.

Be still and learn Me.

Find out who I am.

Until you know who I am, you cannot know what I am capable of.

Until you know who I am, you cannot know my love for you--its height or depth or width of length.

Until you know who I am, you cannot know how far I am willing to go for you or with you.

My heart is for your good. If you truly want the good things, you need to be still and learn my heart.

I amf or you. Be still and understand what this means.

--Jerri L. Kelley--

February 12, 2007

www.jerrikelley.com

The Grief Others Don't See, God Sees and Steps Right Into

This morning as I was praying I prayed for folks on FB, and I had this urge to get on FB and tell a woman it's okay to grieve your baby, even if no one else understands. God understands your heart grief that no one can relate to or even knows about. I didn't, though, because, frankly, it kind of sounded weird...and really personal, and how would I word that anyway?

 

I checked my email, and there was an email from a very dear friend who has no children and is not married, but her elderly dog she has had since a puppy is very sick and may not make it through the day. Her heart is breaking, and she metnioned our conversation this week and said, "Thank you for reminding me God loves me even when my heart is breaking."

 

How much does He love her? How much is He concerned about her pain? So much so that He spoke comfort to me to offer her. He WANTS her to know He feels her heart. He WANTS her to know her grief is His concern. He WANTS her to know even when some people see "only a dog", He sees her life companion. THAT is the fulness of His love for her.

 

God is so many things, but the greatest thing He is...is definitely love.

 

Ephesians 3:16-19

 

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

In the Beginning...Where Life is Created

Monday, January 1st, 2018.

It's like the perfect start over day, isn't it? First day of the year on the mental first day of the week. It is the perfect "1st of the new stuff" day.

Genesis 1:1 says, "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." Verse 2 tells us it was empty and dark, and God was hovering in the dark.

Some of you don’t know our story, so let me summarize. In 2010-2011, our lives were carpet bombed. Here is what I mean:
June 29, 2010—My husband of 19 years moved out
July 21, 2010—My mom went into the hospital presenting stroke symptoms, but it wasn’t a stroke. She had three large masses and 40+ lesions in her brain plus a huge mass on her lungs
August 2, 2010—I told Mom she was terminal and had two months to live
August 18, 2010—Mom threatened my stepdad with a gun and came to live with us
August 28, 2010—I moved Mom back home because she was moving into a horrible depression and just wanted to be in her house
September 27, 2010—Mom went into the hospital the last time
September 29, 2010—I took Mom home and put her in hospice
October 2, 2010—Mom died
November 1, 2010—My uncle who had been my 2^nd dad was found dead
Thanksgiving 2010—My husband said he wanted a divorce
December 2010—the goal was to get the kids through Christmas
January 11, 2011—I filed for divorce
February 4, 2011—My husband finally told the kids he had no intention of coming home
February 14, 2011—The kids were with my husband all day because I had a leak under my slab and had no water. He dropped them off that night and walked out the door at 9:30.
February 15, 2011, 12:30 am—3 hours after my husband left, the officer was at our door. my husband had been found unresponsive on the side of the road in his car. He was dead.

Those are the “big” things. Along with those were the friends we lost, the families that quit speaking to us, being investigated for murder, the anger and accusations thrown at me, so much more than we are going to rehash here, but you get the point.

By the time the last bomb dropped, our lives looked like dust and mayhem. The only two things that looked familiar to me were my kids and my house. I could relate to Genesis 1:2. My whole life looked formless and dark, and that was a stunning place to be. In fact, I felt like I was in my own personal Genesis 1.

There was nothing to lean on. I found out my husband had a whole other life, and I wondered how much of our marriage had even be true. It was like waking up and wondering if anything I remembered was real or just a mirage. Friendships were gone. My close family was non-existent. Relationships were gone. There was so much that happened that my kids didn’t need to know about, which meant I carried a huge amount of this-can’t-be-real without telling anyone.

It was dark. Horribly dark.

 
And it is easy to get lost in that dark. It is easy to feel like you are utterly alone and you have to figure all this out, and who can figure out how to fix a catastrophe like a personal world ending anyway? And lands! Add trying to find something in the dark chaos for kids to hold onto, and you’ll find yourself in the worst freefall you could ever imagine.

And what do you stand on when everything you used to know is gone and your life has changed so radically that it doesn’t look like anything you recognize anymore?

You stand on the One that never changes.

People have asked me untold times how I got through that period, how I got the kids through that period. I stood on the one thing I knew hadn’t changed.

God.

He had not changed.

He was in the dark with me.

His presence was in the chaos.
He could create anything out of nothing.

Those were the Truths I stood on when I had nowhere else to stand.

In the beginning, God created…

When all the stuff you’ve known is gone, you can see two things: the end of what was or the beginning of what can be.

I chose to see the beginning of what can be in the presence of a God who knows no limits.

In the beginning God created…untold worlds.

He hasn't changed.

He is still creating new worlds and new lives.

 

That is where I stood.

 

I stood on the Truth that God could create a whole new life for me and for my kids. One that wasn't shattered or broken or unrecognizable, but one that was lush and beautiful and full and amazing. One that I could never even imagine because, really, no one imagine the universe before it was created. How could they? It was something totally unknown before God brought it to pass, and that is what I believed God would do with us--bring something we had never known to pass, something amazing, something full of life.

 

And He has.

 

And He can do it for you, too.

 

Praying 2018 is an amazing year of God creating wondrous things in you and your life.

 

Blessings,

Jerri

Some Days I Just Wish Someone Thought I was that Kind of Special, and God Does

I love God. Even when I don't like His choice of roads much, I love Him.
There are days when He utterly overwhelms me.

You know, I have been single nearly 7 years now, and I haven't dated...like at all. Today I walked by the bouquets at the grocery store, and I had just a moment of...I couldn't tell you the last time someone gave me flowers, but I think it was a friend of mine six years ago because she passed them in the store and thought of me. And really, it is okay that I don't get flowers. It is okay that I haven't dated. But some days, it would just be nice to be. ..the one someone thinks of, calls just because, or gives flowers to. I'm human that way.

This morning I sat in my rocker praying about something very specific, and I had the simple Thought, "Wait for it." And there was this sense that it would just suddenly be answered. While I sat there, I had this is thought to watch the sunrise, which was nuts because we had clouds, but I stood at my window and watched the clouds turn pretty colors, and then they sort of broke up and lifted from the horizon. In the next minute, the sun broke over the horizon, just under the clouds. I just stood and smiled. Okay, so a sunrise sometimes trumps flowers.

I prayed and watched the sun until the light was too bright, and I told the Lord about something that was bothering me, and an hour or so later my friend Debra called and said she wanted to tell me a story. It was the perfect encouragement. It is nice to get calls because He is thinking about me, you know?

Then this afternoon the Lord and I were discussing my writing, videos I am working on, and my business I am developing, and I told Him honestly, I know there will be haters. I am not sure how to deal with the haters. Then I read Kristina Kuzmic''s post about the hate comments she gets and her response. Just posted today. Now did God do that just for me? He loves me enough that He very well may have.

And then, there are the THREE letters TODAY about the crazy way our insurance may or may not work next year, and I just...hate this, and I heard so sweetly, "Don't worry. I got this. It'll be fine," and you know what? I believe Him. You know why? Because Love is trustworthy, and today He has loved wide open.

Yeah, sometimes the road isn't my idea of happy trails, but I sure love the One who walks these roads with me.

Jerri L. Kelley
Www.jerrikelley.com

Choosing

So today...choosing.
Looking at the past.
Seeing the record of faithfulness.
Seeing the line we are on and waiting for the answer He is going to write, knowing the pen is already in His hand.
Not freaking out. Finding stillness....
Trust isn't an emotion. It's a choice.
Resting isn't always a default. It is a discipline.
Today...choosing to trust and rest in Him...

"Choose this day whom you trust your lives to.
As for me and my house, we trust out lives to the Lord."
--Joshua 24:15

On the Days when Life Takes the Breath Right Out of You...I'm Here

Today I listened to someone talk about life and...a lot of things. How it isn't what she thought it would be and how she isn't who she thought she woudl be and the who is so much harder to deal with than the how and who is she to think that what she does...and why even...and she ended all of the fragemented statements with a long exhale like the life just deflated right out of her.

 

And I can't get it out of my head. That long exhale...and all the fragments she sees...and the purpose she doesn't see.

 

And I know. I know some of you beloved hearts are asking the same things becase your seeing your own fragments and you're not seeing the purpose, and this life sure can make a person lose their breath, can't it?

 

The truth is I can tell you all the fragments you see are pieces of a whole story God is writing, and I can tell you that because it is the truth, but I know the other truth is when life runs you so hard you can't catch your breath, it's really hard to catch a vision for that life.

 

So let's do this. Let's sit down on a porch swing together and sit the Truth on a table in front of us, and let's just swing...and talk...or not. And I'll hand you a kleenex because I can see the heart aching in your chest that is part of the aching in your soul, and you can let the tears fall, and truthfully, mine will fall with yours because, lands this out of breath place is hard, and nothing hurts like heart does

when the soul feels broken.

 

You can pour out the not understanding and the millions of questions of why, and I won't try to give an answer. I'll just try to be an answer, in my own silent way, the answer that you are not alone in this. You are not alone in you.

 

Sometimes the real answer isn't something that soothes the mind. Sometimes the real answer is someone who can keep company with the heart, and even if I can't fix your heart, I can hold it and let you pour it out and witness the bruises and cuts and bleeding...and hope that still beats...and the fear of hoping too much because...what if life sucks out the breathing and the beating?

 

But what if it doesn't? What if this part of Jesus in me can sit with you and speak value to you and you heart? What if the Jesus in me can give you enough to take another breath and to let your heart beat until it is beating strong and sure?

 

What if, for this time that your breath is sucked out and your beating is weary, you can find hope and strength by feeling the Jesus in me with you?

 

I'm with you.

 

With deepst love and most sincere prayers,

Jerri

 

Jerri L. Kelley

www.jerrikelley.com