Because Sometimes Some of Us Wonder if We are Too Much Ourselves and Not Enough Something Else

I've mentioned umpteen times I have ADD, and honestly, I think it is one of the best things ever. However, I also find it almost ravenous in its need to be fed. Some of you creatives know what I mean. For a few years now, I've been able to feed it okay. Amazing how just mentally/emotionally/physically getting to a healthy place really sucks down the energy, but it has been good. About a year ago those demands really started to diminish because, thank the Lord, I am at a great place, but then, the boredom started to creep in. I learned that bordeom is not always bad when the Lord is using that down time to let you rejuvenate and replenish your energy. You actually need some down time just to get filled up after all the pour out, so the times has been good, but in the last month or two, the boredom has become more and more draining, not energizing, so I've been looking at things I "would do if I could". Nothing really overwhelming, so I started praying for God to open doors no man could close and close doors no man could open, and I have to tell you, I would have never even knocked on a few of the doors that have appeared. However, they seem to fit. In fact, I am seeing how a lot of the stuff I've learned in my life recreated period fits perfectly into those doors.

 

Now, between us, I am uber excited about these doors and the potential they hold. I am also pretty nervous. In fact, yesterday was a day when I had to fight through flat out fear because...well, what if these people I want to work with don't like me? I mean, seriously. What if...they don't like me?

 

What if I am not exactly what they are looking for?

What if I'm too much me and not enough of their ideal?

 

I told my friends Mitzi and Heather it is like dating and really like someone and wondering what I need to modify to be more appealing.

 

Except, I'm not going to modify anything.

 

Because the fact is, I really like me, and if I modify myself, then I'm going to change something I like, and no man...no job...no door is worth that.

 

But more than that, why would the God who calls me fearfully and wonderfully made put me in a place where He knows I have to modify His creation to fit? Could it be that if those people who determine how open the doors are will either like me as I am or not be the people God wants me to work with?

 

Now, understand, I'm not talking about arrogant or proud refusal to adjust. We are called to humble ourselves, but there is a difference between humbling ourselves and lying about who we are so someone digs us.

 

This morning I woke up just as unsure about what will happen witt those doors as I was yesterday, but I am more sure of this:

The God who made me has made the place for me.

The image of Him that lives in me is necessary.

He will open the door where HE is allowed to be all He is in me.

 

That is the place of peace because that is the place I put my faith in the Lord's character and ability to work everything out for my good and His glory.

 

Praying for you to stand in who you are in Him,

for you to love the person HE made you to me,

for you to walk boldly through open doors--even the suprise ones,

for you to know you are crazy loved.

 

Love and blessings,

Jerri

www.jerrikelley.com

When Everything Else is Burned Away...I AM

You ever put your life on the altar and let God get rid of everything that isn't of Him? Most folks would never do that. They would never choose that kind of risk. They would never give up their control in order to give Him ultimate control. They would never choose something so scary. In fact, most folks don't, and frankly, that is why most folks are still living the same lives they have been living for the last decade (or several decades) wondering why nothing changes.

They sit in the same place every week for church, talk to the same folks they always do, quote the same scriptures, claim the same promises, and see the same results...and wonder why.

Let me answer that question:

Because if you want a different view, you have to take a different road.

Or as a coach I knew when I was teaching in public school said:

If you aren't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

You know what it takes to become the lead dog?

It takes being willing to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.
It takes thinking differently.
It takes conviction that you have a road God wants you to go down that someone else may not choose or understand.
It takes a willingness to hurt.
It takes prioritizing. 
It requires being broken down and built back up.
It takes leaving old mindsets behind...and sometimes the people who cannot think beyond them.
It takes a willingness to endure criticism...especially from people whose opinions can bless you...or hurt you...the most.
It takes crawling on the altar of the Whom you worship and letting Him burn away everything that isn't of Him...and praying for Him to hold you there when everything in you and your flesh screams for the easier road.

It's brutal.

And worth it.


Why am I telling you this? Because the craziest thing is that all that dying is really finding out what it means to live.  I always thought the point of being on the altar is to find myself. I thought when everything else was burned away I would find the core of me, the authentic part of me, the me I was created to be.

But you know what I found out is left when all the traditions, false identities, lies of others, fear, escapisms, safe roads, and protective garbage is burned to nothing?

I AM.

And in Him is the only place I was ever meant to be in the first place.

(excerpt from Warrior Undaunted, manuscript in process, copyright 2017 Jerri L. Kelley)