The Only Perfect Thing

This morning in church, the question was posed:
What one thing would make your life perfect?

The answers included more time, security, money, patience, faith.

I started not to say anything but heard myself blurt out:
God. Only God would make my life perfect.

There was the awkward look and the quip that I must be more spiritual than the others, and I wanted to reply:
No. I've just been crushed enough to know the truth.

The truth is "the perfect life" is a lie.

The Deceiver says the perfect life is one that is easy, comfortable, without stress. It is safe, controlled. And with that comes the mirage, or Big Lie Part 2: if you have the right stuff, you can make your life the perfect life.
If you have security, you won't have to worry about crazy happenings again.
If you have money, you won't have to worry about bills or finances.
If you have enough patience, you won't feel frustrated with situations or people.
If you have enough time, you will get everything done.
If you have enough faith, you can release the things into your life that you need so the struggles really aren't struggles at all.

But here is the truth:
There is no earthly thing that gives us control over circumstances or outcomes. Nothing.

None of those things keep our kids' hearts from being broken.
None of those things prevent crushing medical diagnoses.
None of those things promise peace in relationships.
None of those things guarantee we won't have struggles.

See, according to Jesus, the perfect life isn't a life without struggles. The perfect life is how we live within the struggle...Who we live within the struggle.

We have no control over what happens in our lives, but we control how we walk through what comes.
We have no way to prevent pain or suffering, but we can choose how we walk through the pain and suffering.
We cannot protect our children or grandchildren from struggles, but we can show them how to hold onto and trust God through those struggles.

The perfect life isn't about avoiding the hard road or the painful places. The perfect life just knows Who carries us as we walk the hard road and face the painful places, and the only thing that will ever make a perfect life is God.


copyright Jerri Kelley @ 2017

When Everything Else is Burned Away...I AM

You ever put your life on the altar and let God get rid of everything that isn't of Him? Most folks would never do that. They would never choose that kind of risk. They would never give up their control in order to give Him ultimate control. They would never choose something so scary. In fact, most folks don't, and frankly, that is why most folks are still living the same lives they have been living for the last decade (or several decades) wondering why nothing changes.

They sit in the same place every week for church, talk to the same folks they always do, quote the same scriptures, claim the same promises, and see the same results...and wonder why.

Let me answer that question:

Because if you want a different view, you have to take a different road.

Or as a coach I knew when I was teaching in public school said:

If you aren't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

You know what it takes to become the lead dog?

It takes being willing to push yourself beyond your comfort zone.
It takes thinking differently.
It takes conviction that you have a road God wants you to go down that someone else may not choose or understand.
It takes a willingness to hurt.
It takes prioritizing. 
It requires being broken down and built back up.
It takes leaving old mindsets behind...and sometimes the people who cannot think beyond them.
It takes a willingness to endure criticism...especially from people whose opinions can bless you...or hurt you...the most.
It takes crawling on the altar of the Whom you worship and letting Him burn away everything that isn't of Him...and praying for Him to hold you there when everything in you and your flesh screams for the easier road.

It's brutal.

And worth it.


Why am I telling you this? Because the craziest thing is that all that dying is really finding out what it means to live.  I always thought the point of being on the altar is to find myself. I thought when everything else was burned away I would find the core of me, the authentic part of me, the me I was created to be.

But you know what I found out is left when all the traditions, false identities, lies of others, fear, escapisms, safe roads, and protective garbage is burned to nothing?

I AM.

And in Him is the only place I was ever meant to be in the first place.

(excerpt from Warrior Undaunted, manuscript in process, copyright 2017 Jerri L. Kelley)

When You Really Don't Belong, You Really Do

It's been one of those weeks when everything I'm not has decided to have a convention in my world, mostly in my head. And isn't that the worst? When everything you aren't decides to who up at once and have this mental convention and all the voices just end up being a resounding chant of "You Really Don't Belong ANYWHERE"?

So I looked around me, and honestly, I have to agree.

I don't have a group I hang out with. I don't have my writing act together because sometimes I really don't know what to say, and I refuse to be one of those people who say something just so I'm a presence. Trust me. My presence is useless without His presence. Besides, at the ACFW conference a few weeks ago, there was a lot of talk about my "voice" and my "niche", and sometimes I don't feel like I have a voice, and I really don't feel like I have a niche. Plus, I'm a licensed pastor that doesn't really have a church home. I have a church I attend, but if I don't attend, no one will notice. That isn't their fault. It's just that my whole role there is to show up, sit on a pew, follow the order of service, and go home. It's really pretty much like every other church I've attended for the last five years. BUT, I like the fact that unlike the other churches I've attended, I don't have to work myself into some emotional state and find a way to be "blessed", "fine", or "great". A few weeks ago I cried through the whole service, and no one said a word to me. Oddly, I found that peaceful. Actually, it is quite exhausting to have to feel better so I can prove I hear God and feel God or let some church leader feel they have accomplished their job. So there is a strange peace in attending this church. But belonging really isn't so much about what I get out of it. The truth is there really isn't anything about me that they would find useful. That is what I mean by if I don't attend no one will notice. That is why I don't write unless I think it is something God wants someone else to hear.

Belonging means you fit. Who you are fits. You serve a purpose. You bring something to the situation.

And really, when I look around at the pieces of my life, I really don't belong.

Except I do.

And you do.

I know it is easy to look around and see all the ways you don't fit into something. It is easy to look at church, family, Bible groups, school, social groups, and so on and feel like you have nothing anyone wants. It is easy to see that no one would notice if you didn't show up. Except, someone would notice. You just don't realize it yet because you don't realize that your belonging isn't about a group, it's about your life.

You belong in your life.

You life matters.

Maybe you don't belong in a social group at work, but you belong in the world of the cashier at the grocery store who is always encouraged when she sees you in line because, thank God!, He sent a friendly face in the midst of her hard day.

And maybe you don't belong in your church, but you belong in the world of those homeless people who really like that hot cocoa you hand out on cold days.

Maybe it doesn't matter if you don't go to the family reunion, but it would matter to the bus driver if you didn't get on the bus everyday and ask how the family is.

I know it is hard when you don't belong. I have spent my entire life simply wanting to belong somewhere, and I never did. My mother wanted only boys. My dad didn't want kids at all. I married a man who liked the idea of marriage but hated the details of relationship and responsibility. I've tried to prove my worth through grades, titles, accomplishments, and so on. And I'm telling you, I have never felt like I belong.

I will also tell you I have felt very lonely, and I have felt very broken, and I have thought often if I could just be something else...

It has taken me a long time to realize that the real issue isn't belonging in all those places. The only place I need to belong is in my life. The way I live.

I belong in my life as an encourager.
I belong as someone who prays for anyone who asks...and some who don't.
I belong as someone who remembers what is bothering folks and asks them about it.
I belong as the person who has had intimate relations with grief and can tell someone, "You really are normal in the grief world. You're doing great."
I belong as the person who makes soup for friends who are sick.
I belong as the person who picks up the phone at all hours.
I belong as the person who loves deeply.
I belong as the family member who says, "I need a family gathering. Who's in?"
I belong as the person who knows the favorite cookies of the folks at our dentist's office.
I belong as the person whose couch is well used from folks needing a place to stay sleeping on it.

I belong here.

YOU belong here.

So your family doesn't get you, and there really isn't a place to plug in at church. Maybe the other people in your class don't really get you or invite you to stuff either. Maybe, like me, your Friday night excitement is lying on your couch under a blanket reading a book because there really isn't anyone to go out with. If any of that is true, you most likely hear a voice saying, "It doesn't matter if you are here."

It does matter.

YOU matter.

Your voice is a beautiful voice.
So you don't have a "niche". Great. That means folks like you and I can pick up the stragglers no one else can reach. We were made for this.
YOU were made for this.
You were made for your life.
There are things about the way you live that are breathtaking.
YOU are breathtaking.

You aren't breathtaking because of what you do.
You are breathtaking because of how you choose live,
and living a breathtaking life is right where you belong.

So next time that voice or those voices tell you all the ways you don't belong in their lives, tell them that is okay because you still belong in your own.

Praying you live with the fierce passion of being you because being you is exactly how you were made to live...