Yesterday I mentioned that I realize learning to live better isn't working, so I want to know how to die better.
Now, the truth is I have no clue how to die better. I know religion, but religion is far more about self-preservation than it is serving God. Religion tells me how to act and live so I can get blessed, earn eternity, and look good. No wonder religion kills. It keeps me from the very thing that brings real life--letting go of anything good I hope to be or do or become so I can embrace all He is, can do, and wants to become.
Today I keep thinking about the phrase, "Die to self."
If myself has always known religion and agreed with it and lived by it, then if I want to learn to die well, isn't religion one of the first things I have to lay down?
And to be honest, I'm wondering, "Do I even know what life without religion looks like?"
As I roll this around in my mind like someone twirling a pencil between their fingers, I am fighting this near panic that is trying to rise up in me, and I hear a Voice calm, "You realize this means giving up the hope that religious people will see what a great Christian you are and how much like Me you look. You realize this means looking stupid and looking like nothing religious people recognize and in fact, becoming what they criticize."
I realize it will happen, but I cannot realize how hard it will be or how much it will hurt until I'm in it. Is that supposed to settle me or scare me...or determine my resolve?
And the question fills my mind:
Are you still willing to move forward?
I ask in reply:
Where in the world would I go back to?
Copyright 2014 Jerri Kelley Phillips
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