It's flat out miserable, this desert trip. Some days are better than others, but when you are in the desert, every where you look you see it. Sand.
Today is sandy.
Today the sand blows hard and cuts deep in the form of hoped for things vaporizing before my eyes, people giving their word and not keeping it, doors that looked so open slamming closed, and a slew of other things that really just make me blink back tears. Yeah, today looks a lot like a sandstorm that darkens the sky and leaves me choking for air.
And I'm being straight up honest with you when I tell you I am lost. I have no bearings, and it wouldn't matter because with all the vaporizing and slamming of doors, I don't know what I'm walking toward. Right now, I don't doubt God speaks, but I doubt how well I hear.
Right now, it feels easy to lie down and let the sand simply overtake a body because what do when you have nowhere to go?
You sit down.
And write in the sand.
Today, I'm writing...
Lord, I know you are good.
I know you love me.
I know you have not abandoned me or rejected me.
I know you have a big picture...it would be nice if you shared it.
But even if you don't,
I still know you are good.
I know you love me.
I know forbearance is hard and that is why people give up their seed. Help me not give up my seed.
I know your eyes roam about the earth looking for those who are searching for you.
I know you are working to get me out of the desert, and even though I think a teleporter would be great right now, you know what I don't. But this I do know...
I know you are good.
And what happens if this sandstorm blows the writing away...because sometimes it does...
I'll write it again.
Lord, I know you are good.
I know you love me.
Please help me trust your heart because right now, I only feel my pain.
I know you are for me.
I know this is only a sandstorm, but you are the foundation on which I stand.
And you are good.
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