The All-Important Final Word

This morning in our faith gathering we had a wonderful worship time. Jay and Kari are our Sunday morning worship leaders, and every two weeks we do a different kind of worship. This morning we used drums and did a fascinating sing/chant response for both Isaiah 48 and Psalm 112. As Jay was introducing this morning's worship style, he explained that David--King, psalmist, man after God's own heart, worshipper--commanded us in Psalms to use a variety of instruments in worship, and he looked at our pastor and asked which chapter that was. Pastor Dave correctly said there are a lot of chapters that talk about it. I decisively answered, "Psalm 150." Some folks thought that was impressive. Well, the fact that I am knew it is not impressive, but for it to be Psalm 150...that is VERY impressive. In fact, it is very important.

Now, the way I know that is not because I'm some great Bible scholar. I am not eyeballs deep in Bible trivia. I don't know all of the addresses for all the key stories and major passages Christians throw around. I remember this because the revelation of it was so powerful to me.

Years ago I was reading through the Bible and came across the most glorious story. In 2 Chronicles 5:2-14, it says:

²Then Solomon summoned to Jerusalem the elders of Israel, all the heads of the tribes and the chiefs of the Israelite families, to bring up the ark of the Lord’s covenant from Zion, the City of David. ³ And all the Israelites came together to the king at the time of the festival in the seventh month.
⁴ When all the elders of Israel had arrived, the Levites took up the ark, ⁵ and they brought up the ark and the tent of meeting and all the sacred furnishings in it. The Levitical priests carried them up; ⁶ and King Solomon and the entire assembly of Israel that had gathered about him were before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and cattle that they could not be recorded or counted.
⁷ The priests then brought the ark of the Lord’s covenant to its place in the inner sanctuary of the temple, the Most Holy Place, and put it beneath the wings of the cherubim. ⁸ The cherubim spread their wings over the place of the ark and covered the ark and its carrying poles. ⁹ These poles were so long that their ends, extending from the ark, could be seen from in front of the inner sanctuary, but not from outside the Holy Place; and they are still there today. ¹⁰ There was nothing in the ark except the two tablets that Moses had placed in it at Horeb, where the Lord made a covenant with the Israelites after they came out of Egypt.
¹¹ The priests then withdrew from the Holy Place. All the priests who were there had consecrated themselves, regardless of their divisions. ¹² All the Levites who were musicians—Asaph, Heman, Jeduthun and their sons and relatives—stood on the east side of the altar, dressed in fine linen and playing cymbals, harps and lyres. They were accompanied by 120 priests sounding trumpets. ¹³ The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang:

“He is good;
    his love endures forever.”

Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud, ¹⁴ and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.

The same story is in 1 Kings 8.

Imagine that.

Imagine going to church and God being so drawn in by what He hears that He cannot help but come and sit among the people there.

What did these people do to give Him such pleasure that He had to be part of it?
What did they do that made Him leave His throne and sit in their presence?
What did they do that broke through the barrier between earth and heaven and become such a pleasing aroma to Him that He had to saturate Himself with it?

I wanted to be that pleasing.
I wanted to be that aroma.
I wanted to be that irresistible to Him.

So I read it through and through. I studied. I looked up words looking for some idea of what they did, what order of worship, what kind of worship, what...method...did they use to entice the God of the universe to want their company?

The simplicity of it left my religious mindset undone.

They worshipped.

The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang...

That's all.

There was not some complicated order. There was on some perfected sequence or song or rhythm. There was simply the worship and gratitude of an imperfect people, and God said, "I can't pass that up."

David says in Psalm 22:3, "But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel."

He inhabits our praise. He saturates it. Soaks in it. Dwells in it. Makes Himself at home in it.

I wanted to create a place in my life that God could inhabit, where He always felt welcome and at home.

So, I started studying worship, thanksgiving, and praise. I started studying the biblical acts of worship, worship commanded by God, and ways He commanded to offer praise and thanksgiving, and in my search, I came to Psalm 150.

1 Praise ye the Lord. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.
² Praise him for his mighty acts: praise him according to his excellent greatness.
³ Praise him with the sound of the trumpet: praise him with the psaltery and harp.
⁴ Praise him with the timbrel and dance: praise him with stringed instruments and organs.
⁵ Praise him upon the loud cymbals: praise him upon the high sounding cymbals.
⁶ Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord.

And I read through each line, highlighted, prayed, pondered, and then I suddenly saw it. The real answer.

Psalm 150. The very last Psalm. The last words of Psalm. The final word.

Psalms is full of agony and joy. They are filled with calls to holiness and prayers of vindication. They have confessions of weakness and pleas for strength. They hold great faith...and great doubt. They ring with life's answers...and its questions. And at the end of it all we are left with Psalm 150.

Praise the Lord.

Praise Him with music, with dance, with wind instruments, with percussion. Praise Him however, but praise Him.

The very last words of this amazing book of real life that takes us through ugly places and glorious places, prophetic truth and human questions, and the summary is simple:

Praise, ye the Lord.

Real life all summed up in three words. Our purpose all summed up in three words. The key to living a life pleasing enough for Him to inhabit.

Praise the Lord.

Yeah. THAT was worth remembering.

God's Sense of Humor

Some folks are unaware that God has an interesting sense of humor. Remind me to tell you about "Joshua, Remember Jericho, and Thick walls," sometime. But today, I'll stick to God's sense of humor this morning at church....during worship...

Believe me, I tried to find some kind of play on words for that because...well, you'll see.

Last week and yesterday, I wrote about worship. I was honest about my struggles with worship at the church we've been attending the last few months. As I said, love the people. Pastors are solid. I'm just struggling with worship.

I rarely know the songs. I can't follow the words on the screen very well because I don't know the tunes. It's just...been a challenge.

But, I don't want to be like I used to be and make it a big ridiculous deal because that is just immature, petty crap. The songs are good. People are worshipping. It's just me, BUT, God is so faithful to use trials to build character and mature us, and for me, not being able to participate well in worship is a trial.

I've also shared what I've learned from this trial. I've learned worship isn't about what I sing or how I sing it but the One I choose to sing for and to.

Worship is a response to God reaching out to me.

Even music I "don't get" can get me to God if I have the right heart to find His hand in it.

I told you about the two boys on the front row who took pleasure in their worship and how I could feel God's pleasure in them. That is beautiful worship. Seriously. It does not get better than that.

Today I went to church, and before I ever reached the sanctuary, I saw the worship leader. I like him. He's a good worship leader. As we chatted, he mentioned that he read Friday's post on worship. He was very complimentary and asked if he could post some of it to the worship blog for the church.

Are you laughing? At least chuckling? It gets better.

First, I have to say that the order of the service was rearranged to the "traditional" order of service, which totally threw me. While I have no reason to think my blog had anything to do with that, I did mention that last week in one of my posts. If you will recall, I said we do worship after the sermon. It was different, but we left church singing, which I like.

That's at least worth a smirk, but the really belly laugh...

I knew all but one song we sang this morning. ALL BUT ONE SONG.

In fact, I knew them so well, I could sign most of the words.

Even better?

One of the songs we sang is EXACTLY what God has been saying to me all week long.

If I am with you, nothing can stop you.

What do you think could ever come against you that could nullify my promises?

Nothing can stop my Word.

Nothing.

Maybe you've heard the song before. Maybe you need to hear the words right now.
We sang it this way:
If our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?
And if our God is with us, what can stand against?

And you'll have to wait until later to hear about the whole sermon thing, but for now....

I'm shaking my head. I hope you are laughing. Isn't that just so God?

And, yes, I do believe God was laughing through the whole thing, nudging whoever was close, saying, "She is going to laugh so hard!"

And I did...and am.

There are so many things about God that leave me in silent awe. He is just so beautiful, so wondrously, can't take Him all in, beautiful, and one of my very favorite aspects of Him is His sense of humor. I love that enjoys having fun and just enjoying mine and His relationship--us. I love that He has given me His sense of humor. Some say it is vicious, in a maybe not-so-good way. I think it is God-size fabulous. It's just so very Him.

Last week, I didn't mention laughter as a means of worship. It never even crossed my mind, but funny enough, today, it's my absolute favorite kind of worship.

Blessings!


2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All rights reserved

When Worship Gets Personal

I really like our church. The people who attend are beautiful, and I really enjoy them. The heart of the church is great. In fact, for the church's birthday, we are splitting up and doing community projects as a way to celebrate. Actually, this church is the most community involved church I've possibly ever attended. Seriously. This is a wonderful church.

But.

Worship drives me a bit nuts.

I rarely know the songs, and they are a bit more...not Casting Crowns...than I'm used to. Really, it's just not my style, and I have a hard time getting into it.

In the past, this would have been a big deal for me. Like BIG deal, but I am infinitely sick and tired of listening to people whine and grip about the parts of church that offend personal opinion but are not life altering issues. I sat in a church planning meeting once and saw the leaders of the church go into banshee tantrums over whether the church needed a middle aisle or not. I've listened to too many friends who are pastors who are exhausted, not from the needs of people, but the pettiness of people who are so focused on the order of service or the number of songs or how communion should be served. I don't want to be the problem. I've been the problem, and I don't want to be anymore. But I can be. I have my preferences. I have my comfort zones. I like comfort!

And doggone it. I like worship that allows me to participate!

One morning we were in the midst of worship, and I was feeling musically lost, and I prayed simply, "God, I need you to help me with this."

Two things happened.

First, a simple thought: This is worship music. It was written for the purpose of praising God. It sets an atmosphere for connecting with Him. If you aren't connecting, it's your fault. Not the music's.

Instead of being annoyed that I didn't know the words, I just stood and read the words. They were words of praise declaring God's faithfulness, His goodness, His mercy. I still couldn't sing the words because I couldn't figure out the tune, but I could sing the words...in my own personally way. I stood where I was and quietly began to praise God for how faithful He had been to me that week. I recalled His goodness and His mercy. I recounted them quietly, but aloud, to Him and gave thanks for the detailed way He loves my family and me. My heart was in tune, even though I didn't know the tune.

I worshipped with the music I didn't know by letting it remind me of what I do know.

I know God is good. I know I need Him desperately. I know He is generous and blesses me wildly. Sometimes I need to be reminded, and a song I didn't know did that for me.

Would a song I knew by heart that I could sing without giving it a thought do that for me? It can, but a song I had to think about made me think about the One I am singing to. That is what worship songs should do.

Second, when I stopped singing, I could hear them. The two little boys on the front row. Hands clapping. Feet moving. Pouring out pleasure...not just praise, but PLEASURE...as they worshipped their Lord. I sat diagonal from them in the back row, and above everyone in between us, I heard them, and their voices were so beautiful. That has got to be the sound of heaven. These two precious boys pouring all they are into the praise of the King. Seriously. The sound was so beautiful. I just closed my eyes and listened. I could only imagine God the Father breathing in the worship from His babies. What amazing joy He must have felt. What deep pleasure He must take in them. The Bible talks about "a pleasing aroma unto the Lord." These boys' worship has to be it.

As I watched, I realized this music that just didn't do it for me did wonders for them. This was their worship, their connecting. This was their Daddy saying, "Boys, I adore you. Come spend some time with me so we can enjoy each other." And they did. Oh my goodness. They did.

I don't remember singing anything else that day. I simply remember thanking God for how He loves each of us and makes roads into each of our lives and finds ways to meet us according to how He made us.

Raise a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it. -- Proverbs 22:6

God's version: Reach a child according to the way you made them, and when they are older, they will still be reaching out for You.

I watched God reach that day.

And those boys reached right back.

Personally, I think that is as beautiful s worship gets.


2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All rights reserved.

Picture Perfect Worship

I've spent this week talking about worship, but one of my issues with the church is we give a lot of intangible answers for what something is not, and I wonder if I have done any better. I honestly don't know.

To worship something means to declare it is worth your attention, time, and energy.

What is worship? Responding to God.

It seems so simple, and yet, it feels so complicated, especially when we try to dig it out from under religious tradition, which a lot of us are having to do.

So what is worship? Really? I don't know if I can really tell you, so let me show you.

Now, I know, it is our tendency to skim what we already know, but I would ask you not to skim because if we are having to really look at worship, we really don't know it. So let's learn from some folks who do.

2 Chronicles 5

² Then Solomon summoned to Jerusalem the elders of Israel, all the heads of the tribes and the chiefs of the Israelite families, to bring up the ark of the Lord’s covenant from Zion, the City of David. ³ And all the Israelites came together to the king at the time of the festival in the seventh month.
⁴ When all the elders of Israel had arrived, the Levites took up the ark, ⁵ and they brought up the ark and the tent of meeting and all the sacred furnishings in it. The Levitical priests carried them up; ⁶ and King Solomon and the entire assembly of Israel that had gathered about him were before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and cattle that they could not be recorded or counted.
⁷ The priests then brought the ark of the Lord’s covenant to its place in the inner sanctuary of the temple, the Most Holy Place, and put it beneath the wings of the cherubim. ⁸ The cherubim spread their wings over the place of the ark and covered the ark and its carrying poles. ⁹ These poles were so long that their ends, extending from the ark, could be seen from in front of the inner sanctuary, but not from outside the Holy Place; and they are still there today. ¹⁰ There was nothing in the ark except the two tablets that Moses had placed in it at Horeb, where the Lord made a covenant with the Israelites after they came out of Egypt.
¹¹ The priests then withdrew from the Holy Place. All the priests who were there had consecrated themselves, regardless of their divisions. ¹² All the Levites who were musicians—Asaph, Heman, Jeduthun and their sons and relatives—stood on the east side of the altar, dressed in fine linen and playing cymbals, harps and lyres. They were accompanied by 120 priests sounding trumpets. ¹³ The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang:

“He is good;
    his love endures forever.”

Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud, ¹⁴ and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God.

 

Luke 17

¹¹ Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. ¹² As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance ¹³ and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”
¹⁴ When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.
¹⁵ One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. ¹⁶ He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

 

Matthew 8

⁵ When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help. ⁶ “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”
⁷ Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”
⁸ The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. ⁹ For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”
¹⁰ When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith."

Luke 18
⁹ To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: ¹⁰ “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. ¹¹ The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. ¹² I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’
¹³ “But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’
¹⁴ “I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 7
³⁶ When one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, he went to the Pharisee’s house and reclined at the table. ³⁷ A woman in that town who lived a sinful life learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, so she came there with an alabaster jar of perfume. ³⁸ As she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them...
⁴⁴ Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. ⁴⁵ You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. ⁴⁶ You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. ⁴⁷ Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

In each story, worship is the personal response to the way God responded to each person. Even in 2 Chronicles, the Temple was for everyone, but the promise of God was personal.

The centurion's faith that Jesus was a man of authority in a kingdom he only saw through shadows was personal.

The pleas for forgiveness from a man whose desire was to faithfully serve a God he continued to fail was personal.

The faith of a woman who had no words but only tears, who couldn't look at His face so she washed His feet, was personal.

Worship is personal.

It is a personal faith response to a God who responds personally to each person, who they are, where they are, and what they need. It is an acknowledgement of His ability and willingness to be exactly what I need because I realize what I always need...is Him.

THAT is worship.

And it isn't because the music is right, not because my mood is right, not because everything went well this week. It's for one reason and one reason alone.

Because He's worth it.


2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All rights reserved

 

How to Fix Bad Worship

People complain about the music in church with the excuse it somehow prevents them from worshipping. It isn't comfortable for them, and it messes with their rhythm, and don't change the words or inflection because it makes it hard to follow and they can't sing it mindlessly like usual, and plus, they sound dumb when they get the notes wrong, and how one worship when they are afraid of getting it wrong?
 
Okay. Okay, so it's not just the generic "people". *I* have been known to complain about all of the above. It completely ruined my worship experience. Except worship isn't an experience. It's an expression.
 
It isn't something that happens to us. It's something that comes from within us.
 
And some of the worst worship experiences have shown me it isn't about having the right music. It's about having the right heart.
 
First of all, "The music just isn't right for me to be able to worship." Unless the music is so loud it is actually painful, this is bogus, but it does say something about our mindsets concerning worship. It says we have the attitude things need to be just so-so for us to worship. What we really mean is things have to be so-so for us to feel a certain way. We want an emotion, a warm fuzzy. We want to leave feeling better than when we arrived, but that is just an emotion. The point of worship is not to conjure emotion; it is to express our recognition of God's worth. It isn't to get a warm-fuzzy, it is to give glory to the only One who is worthy to receive our praise. Emotions are fleeting and easily altered. We don't need an emotion. We need a heart that is steadfast
 
If I have to have music a certain way to tell God He is amazing, then you know what? I probably need the rest of my life to be going a certain way to think He is awesome, too, and that is a selfish, not spiritual, way to live.
 
Something else I've learned. Worship isn't about being comfortable. It's about being Christ-like. Christ didn't focus on Himself. He focused on others' needs. Christ got out of the religious comfort zone of the day so others could find the Father. Maybe those teenagers I wrote about two days ago need more connection today than I need Kari Jobe. Oh, I know. I could dig in my heels and say they could adjust and meet God where I am, but maybe the Christ-like thing is to meet them at their well instead of waiting for them to come to my Temple. Worship isn't about my being comfortable. It's about people connecting with Christ.

And by the way, we all know songs are supposed to be sung a certain way, and people shouldn't go changing words or rhythms or inflections. How in the world am I supposed to sing when it's always changing? Plus, do you know how stupid I sound when I get the notes wrong? Honestly. We know worship is really about getting it all right!

Ouch.

Is that what worship really is?

About doing things a certain way?
About being intolerant of others?
About getting it "right"?

Here is the question the Spirit asked me, "Whose way of worshipping me is right?" My son shows his love by drawing me a picture. My daughter shows hers by writing lyrics to a song. Whose love is right? Could it be if both have the right love, then the way each expresses that love is also right?

A friend of mine likes spicy foods. REALLY spicy foods, but when we go eat at her house, she tones it down for us. It's still food, just with a different flavor. Could it be that worship with a rock beat is simply love expressed with a different flavor than love expressed in a slow 3/4 time?

If worship is responding to the love of God, isn't the only "right" response love? If I try to make others fit into my worship music box and dance according to the tune I determine is acceptable, is that loving them like God loves me? If I pray for God to meet me as I am where I am, isn't the right thing to let Him reach others as they are where they are? Who am I to find God in a gentle cello but tell others they can't find Him in a bass guitar or slamming drum? And let's be honest. If we make this a right and wrong issue, we have to entertain the idea we could be wrong. If we make this a winner take all situation, are we willing to lose everything? We could. Oh, I know. We aren't wrong, so it doesn't matter...except it does matter...because any time I tell someone they have to find God the same way I do in the same things I do, I am wrong, and I don't care what musical genre you paint it into, it'll never be right.

You know what the real issue is, though? When we worship, we don't want to have to think about it. We want it to be effortless, and we don't like boat rockers who change that.

Any time worship starts becoming a thoughtless action, we are no longer giving thought to God.

Worship cannot be effortless unless we make no effort to notice the greatness of His love, the magnitude of His generosity, the immensity of His kindness, the freedom of His forgiveness...and our absolute lack of deserving all of the above.

When we reach a point when we are just saying words, we are no longer hearing what the Word has to say.

The only way for worship to become mindless if for us not to mind if our God has no worth.

Worship isn't a musical process we get right. Worship is getting our hearts right so we can respond to Him.

Worship isn't about creating an emotion or cautiously not rocking the boat. Worship is a conscious choice to respond to a God we know is good even when the boat is rocking.

If the songs or the service order or the number of times a chorus is repeated makes it absolutely impossible for us to worship, something is definitely wrong, but it isn't the music. And no one else can fix it, but me.

2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All rights reserved.

Worship May Not Be What You Think

Our worship at my church messes with my head. I told you a little bit about it yesterday. I don't know the words. The genre isn't my style, and who puts worship after the sermon?

I'm not the only one with worship issues. Lots of people have them.

People complain about the music in church declaring how it makes it impossible for them to worship. It isn't comfortable for them. It messes with their rhythm. And do NOT change the words or inflection because it makes it hard to follow and they can't sing it mindlessly like usual, and plus, they sound dumb when they get the notes wrong, and how one worship when they are afraid of getting it wrong?

I'm not exaggerating when I say at some point every statement in that paragraph has come out of my mouth, and the saddest part is I thought I was right in being indignant about such things because worship is important after all, and I need to worship. Worship is where I connect with God. It's the soul-melding of the spiritual life.

And it really has nothing to do with music.

Let me explain. I love music. I love to sing. I love the whole expressive experience of music, but it isn't worship.

Worship is declaring the worth of something.

When I worship God, I'm responding to Him and the goodness He has poured out on me.

My response may be joyful excitement because He has heard my prayer, and I may express that with boisterous clapping or dancing.
My heart may be broken, and I may feel crushed, but I know He is till good, so I respond to that with my presence, even though I have no words.
I may respond in awe at how amazing He is. I may respond with humility because He is so good and I deserve nothing from His hand.
Maybe I am simply overwhelmed by the bigness and wonder of Him, so I raise my hands to acknowledge that He alone is worthy of my praise.

That is worship.

Music offers an avenue for expressing those responses, but it isn't worship. If I stand in a church service and find fault that the worship doesn't cater to me, that's says a lot more about my heart than the music.

And instead of making demands for how the music needs to be done right, it's a good time to stop and ask God how to get my heart right.

Drop by tomorrow, and I'll tell you How to Fix Bad Worship.

Copyright 2014 Jerri Kelley Phillips
All rights reserved

And the Greatest of These is...Perfect Worship

I don't really know the songs, and we don't sing the same song very often, so I'm not really learning them, which is tedious, but at another church, we had an eleven song play list, so we sang the same songs almost every week, and that was boring.

I'm not into rock music, and some of what we sing is rock-ish. Not my style. Hard to get into...for me. But the younger folk are all over it. Hands up. Eyes closed. You can look on their faces and see they have this...and more importantly, He has them.

At this church, we do worship after the sermon, not before. I've never been at a church that does that. It's weird. I'm used to a prayer, some music, maybe a shake hands with the neighbor behind you, and then the sermon. This prayer, song, sermon, worship thing sort of messes with my mind, but I really loved going to the store after church Sunday and the kids and I singing while we shopped because the music was still rolling in us...the worship coming out of us.

And what is with the worship team anyway? Sometimes we have a full crew with drums, keyboard, guitar, and multiple singers, and then there was Sunday when we had two on stage. Shouldn't it be consistent? I mean. How am I supposed to know what to expect if it is always changing? Except Sunday was meditative worship. The harmony was good, and the gentleness of the acoustic guitar and the voices allowed resting and soaking deep, and those rock-ish songs with their drums work for the kids. And I must confess. I like stopping and watching these young people pouring out their hearts, receiving His heart poured out. It's beautiful. It fills me with joy and hope, but even if it didn't, even if I got nothing out of it, I get something out of it. It is an absolute impossibility for God to invade the world through His children and my world not be affected and made better. Any time heaven comes to earth, I get something out of it.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is having "worship issues" at his church, and I listened to him tell how this person had this problem and that person had that other problem, and really, they all had the same problem. The problem is they don't understand what worship is.

Worship isn't what we sing or whether we know the words. It isn't an order of service or style of music. Worship isn't whether you can raise your hands or jump up and down...or stand their with your hands in your pockets in silence.

Worship is acknowledging God as God.

Worship is realizing it isn't all about me and loving those kids enough to see God's heart is for reaching them.

Worship isn't conjuring an emotional response to get people hyped up for a sermon and shout, "Amen!" in regular intervals or on the appropriate downbeat. Worship is knowing the greatest thing anyone has to offer is an experience with God.

Worship isn't the first, second, and last verse, or knowing the songs so well you don't need the words. Worship is the heart without words that needs to hear God speak.

Worship is giving your all to God. Sometimes your all is simply walking into a church and saying, "I'm giving you the chance to find me because I can't find you in this hard place, but I'm not willing to walk away, so this is me walking to you." Sometimes your all is letting the tears fall while you whisper, "You are still good," even when it hurts oh, so very bad.

Worship is giving up my right to be important so God is important, so His plan is important, so others are important.

Music is an expression of worship, but worship is a response to God and our expression of our hearts toward Him and His goodness toward us.

I told my friend that our music isn't exactly my cup of tea either. He sort of groan-sighed. I said, "I'm stepping past the music because if my focus is on the music, I've just made it into a concert. It's not a concert. It's worship, and if I can't worship with music that glorifies God and praises Him, it's my problem, not the music's."

He sighed...more like a long-overdue exhale. He said it did his heart good to hear me say that. Funny, it does my heart good to live that.

2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All Rights Reserved

Reaching

There are limbs drooping low and scrubbing the shingles of my roof. They need to be trimmed.

In my children's bathroom is a hole in the floor where the linen closet is supposed to be. Three months ago I had a slab leak repaired. In the midst of everything going on, I have not had time to frame, drywall, tape, and paint it.

He is a senior pastor in his church, wants to know what he can do to help out. I tell him about the limbs and the floor and the heavy stuff I need moved in the backyard. He nods, tells me they are praying for the children and me, and doesn't call back.

We are friends of two decades, and he thinks I need to be in church. I'm in sin because I don't sit and listen to sermons every week. When he leaves, he comments that I need to get someone out there to remove the limbs from the roof.

It is a bad day, a painful day, the engulfing kind. I text, "Can you meet for coffee?" She would love to, but she has singles group and doesn't want to miss it. I should come. They are talking about how much God loves us, and it would be good for me to hear.

Oh, I hear.

I hear a lot.

I hear the contruction business owner who tells me he can't help with the bathroom repair because he isn't comfortable coming to the house of a single woman who "has no covering" but is happy to give me the name of a competitor.

I hear the friend who tells me how I need to depend on God and then says I should ask my church about having someone come trim the limbs.

I hear the woman who is "always here for you" but is so busy with various church activities that she can't find time to get together or even call me back.

I'm listening to the people who tell me I need to hear a sermon, read a book, get a worship CD, or take a class because I need to hear that God cares and is always here for me. At least some of the people have the courtesy to buy the book or CD for me. That is thoughtful and considerate.

Yes, I'm listening, and I'm taking notes.

If God ever allows me to be on staff at a church or allows me to have my own ministry, I want to do outreach, not just missions in other countries but right in my own backyard.

I want a list of the single parents, not just so I can plan vacations or parties for them but so my church can be the applied husband/father or helpmeet/mom for that family.

A single mom or widow should not have to call a prefessional to get handyman jobs done. Since when is the church so busy with meetings, Bible studies, and social agenda that no one has time to mow a yard, clean a sink trap, or drop off a meal?

And what about men who are trying to figure out school, meals, and girls’ hormones? What about those dads? Where are the spiritual moms who are also concerned with helping buy that first bra or explaining pads and tampons because of the first menstrual cycle or listening to a broken heart because "that boy" Dad can't stand still hurts when he's mean to tender heart? Who is helping by giving a favorite recipe Dad can use to make cookies for school or offering to pick up a child from school when he/she is sick?

Who do these people call at 2 am when their child’s fever is running 102 and they realize they are out of ibuprofen? Who makes them soup, drops by with a movie and pizza for the kids and sends the parent out the door for a much needed break? Who makes sure they have birthday cakes or that special party?

It should be people in the church.

Jesus never meant for the church to be a self-contained four-wall entity. He meant for it to be the helpmeet and husband on earth that God is in heaven. He never meant for us to need to hear a sermon or a Bible study to know God loves us. He meant for it to be obvious in the way we treat each other.

I want to know who the widows and widowers are, and I want them set into families who check on them, make sure they are eating, give them a place to go on holidays, drop a card in the mail for special days, talk to them regularly, find out if they have heat/air, if their basic needs are met.

It is an abomination to God that we can build bigger and fancier buildings for “worship” when His people who walk in those buildings are doing without basic needs. God is not a God of grand buildings but a God of great love.

He is not about seeing how big we can build

but about how far we can reach.

Because the world is reaching.

...reaching the end of their rope...

...reaching the end of their faith...

...reaching the end of their strength...

...reaching the end of their belief prayer makes a difference...

...reaching the end of hoping someone will actually care and reach back to them.

The limbs are still rubbing my roof.

The bathroom floor still has a hole in it.

I still feel utterly alone and am more disillusioned by the church than ever.

But I’m sure the right sermon will fix all that or the right Bible study or the right worship CD or book or….because after all, I just need to HEAR AGAIN that God loves me and is always there for me.

And yet, I have never felt so alone, and I wonder how many other people are out there who feel the same way but can't tell the difference between man and God and when abandoned by the former give up on the latter...

...because they never see Him reaching...

Worshipping

Tonight there is no Gibbs. There is no shooting terrorists.

Tonight there is stillness.

I am forcing myself to be still, to allow myself to think, to allow myself to feel.

It's a hard thing, this feeling...or drowning in so much feeling that I have gone numb.

The truth is I am simply standing in the midst of carnage, turning in circles, staring at the devestation. The sword I used to wield with such ferocity hangs limp from my hand, and instead of determination, I feel very little more than shock.

And I cannot truly believe what I see around me.

For months my goal has been to keep moving forward no matter what exploded around me or in front of me, and I have done that. However, today, I don't know what "forward" means. I don't even know what movement looks like. Settling Rob's estate? Getting the legal papers signed? Picking up his ashes and figuring out where to put them until we scatter them later? Paying off bills that have accrued? Waking up in the morning, getting out of bed, showering, and brushing my teeth?

When all of this started nine months ago, I told folks we were not "fine", but we were okay. It was hard, but we were going to get to the other side and flourish anyway. I'm not sure what other side we are supposed to get to, and I don't know what "okay" is anymore.

I'm not trying to give the impression that I'm hopeless. I'm not. I'm not depressed either. I'm just...

...hurting...

...and dismayed...

...and waiting.

I have never felt so utterly stripped bare, undefined, and directionless.

I have never stood before God and been so completely at a loss. I have nothing, not even words. I can only stand before Him, stare confused, and shrug with a thousand unworded questions.

And all I really know is He is good.

And instead of being appalled by tears, He accepts them as worship because it is all I have to offer Him. It is what I have been reduced to...tearful trust in Him despite the pain.

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH (ALL YOUR BROKEN) HEART,
and do not lean on your own (finite, pleasure seeking, comfort desiring) understanding.
In all your (broken, tear marked) ways, acknowledge Him (He is the only One who can or will make a difference),
and He will make your (seemingly devestating and dream destroying) paths straight.

This is worship.

It is not standing with hands high, songs filled with happy thoughts, and easy thankfulness for all the good things.

Worship is...

...the staring eyes filled with confusion and questions,

that choose to look to Him and not away,

even when the tears fall hot and the heart aches deep.

...the heart shattered

with nothing left of what it had hoped for

that turns to Him and whispers,

"I hope you can find me here."

Worship is not going to God because He feels good.

Worship is going to God

even when it hurts beyond one's wildest nightmares.

And I stand here...staring...aching...questioning...

...worshiping.

Staggering Forward

My friend Rod Dreher posted this on my Facebook page.

Yes, Rod, yes...

"I keep going back to a phrase from the poet W.H. Auden: "Stagger onward rejoicing." Seems right in this situation. I'm also thinking of a line from that Leonard Cohen song "Hallelujah": "Love is not a victory march/It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah." Yep. "

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmbQEQltOwM

Right Now

Tomorrow is Christmas Day. Promises of desired goodies will be piled high under the tree. The aroma of turkey, ham, and the fixin's will fill the house. Laughter and squeals of joy will ring through the rooms. It's going to be a wonderful day...tomorrow.

Right now, the floors need swept and mopped. The bathroom counter needs wiped down, and the mirror needs the smudges removed. Papers and magazines need to find homes, either in baskets or the recycle bin. Ingredients sit on the table waiting to be made into something mouthwatering. And, as usual, a few gifts remain in need of wrapping. Yes, I still have a to do list...right now.

But tomorrow... Tomorrow the waiting is over. Dreams come to life. Fulfillment pours from boxes, and rejoicing is abundant.

Tomorrow...dishes will fill the sink...and sit stacked on the counter. The refrigerator will have to be rearranged to hold the leftovers we don't want to spoil. Ripped wrapping paper and boxes will lie like carnage in heaps around the room. Recycle bins will overflow.

But right now those things don't matter. They are easily hidden in the shadow of the promised joy seen in the eyes of those I love and in the boxes under the tree. Right now I am lost in the promises of tomorrow, escaping the dreary demands of today.

And in the dreaming of tomorrow, it is easy to miss the blessings of Right Now.

Right now my daughter is laughing while she helps her dad wrap presents. My son is playing with his new Lego set he received in the mail today. The sky is dropping fat snow flakes.

Right now Anna is twelve and loves to cook with me. Robert is nine and wants all of us to play. Games are waiting to be played. Pieces of wood are ready to try a new form of art. Cocoa is ready to be enjoyed, and we have plans to watch a movie curled up together.

Right now I am sitting in my warm home, with my warm socks, and my hot coffee. Light streams through the window, and when I look out, I see the sky filled with clouds pregnant with enough snow to cover the ground. This is no small thing in Texas.

Right now the world is a wondrous place filled with God's blessings. I am overwhelmed with His goodness and gifts. My imperfect life with all its demands and needs abounds with fulfilled promises and evidence of His love. In this moment, I have all I need, and that is enough, and I choose to enjoy it...Right Now.

Copyright 2009 Jerri Phillips