The Missing Answer--When a Baby is Aborted

Last night I sat at church in a candlelight service looking for the light, looking for the Father's heart, seeking Him in the darkness...my darkness...the world's darkness..the darkness where He wanted to be found...the darkness where people need to find Him.

Almost before I had finished asking, "Lord, give me your heart," I heard the words, "The Missing Answer--When a Baby is Aborted." My heart ached, and I knew it is because His heart aches. I felt sadness and compassion of such magnitude it was almost as though I would disappear into it, and I thought I understood.

Then I heard Him whisper through His heavy-heartedness, "It isn't for the babies. It is for the mommas."

I saw an ocean of mommas with hearts filled with pain...and arms empty...and they had no way to grieve.

I heard Him say, "And they can tell no one."

Because people think they are getting what they deserve. People think they should feel bad, they should realize the heinous thing they've done, they should suffer for the wrong they've committed...they should know it was their fault.

The world thinks these mommas have forfeited their rights to ache as mommas because they were frightened, confused, and mistaken about the options laid before them, or maybe they felt they had no option at all. They made a choice most of us don't understand because we've never been there.

I've never been there either, but I understand making mistakes I wish I could undo. I understand the shame I felt, the shame that kept me from telling, from feeling like I had a right to feel anything other than horrible. I understand feeling like I not only deserved to feel wretched but by all that was right, should feel wretched. I understand hating myself and what I'd done. I understand feeling wholly undeserving of compassion and having no hope of forgiveness. I understand grief and guilt that suffocates and drowns.

I also understand my God looks at the person not the choice, heals the pain not judges the person, and loves where a person is and not where other thinks she should have been.

I understand that my God's heart is to heal the brokenhearted, set captives free, proclaim release for prisoners in darkness, forgive sins, and restore lives. I understand my Bible says with God the old is done and a new life is available, and I understand the Bible says those promises are for everyone, not "everyone except women who have had abortions."

And I understand these mommas watch due dates slip by that rip at their hearts but they have to pretend all is fine because how do you tell? Who do you tell?
I understand these mommas put on brave faces when children yell, "Mommy," and they aren't the one being called.
I understand watching loving hugs rips hearts to pieces.
I understand wondering...wishing...what if...

As I sat in that candlelight service celebrating a baby who came to be a light in the darkness, I asked the Lord for His heart for these mommas, and this is what I heard:

You have the right to grieve.
You have the right to be brokenhearted.
You have the right to mourn a due date, a birthday, and a large belly.
You have the right to hurt with a first word, every time a child calls someone else, "Mommy," when someone gets a hug you won't ever feel.
You have the right to ache to the very core of who you are.
You have the right to cry, to wonder what would have been.
You are a mom, and you have the right to grieve and mourn as a mom whose baby has been lost because yours was.
You have not forfeited your right to hurt as a mom who aches for her child. You are a mom. You have the right to grieve as one.
I give you that right.
I'm grieving with you...for you...I know how you hurt.
I'm with you.
I know.
And you don't have to be afraid of me.
I'm right here.
I don't hate you. I don't judge.
I love you. I forgive you. I want you to forgive you, too.
Let's talk about this baby together.
Let's walk through this to find your peace.
I don't want you to stay here.
You've hurt bad enough, long enough.
It's time to heal. Give me the pain. Give me your heart.
I can handle it.
I'm all in. We can get through this.
I know who you are. I know your heart.
I'm asking you to trust mine.

If you know someone who has had an abortion, instead of thinking about the act, think about the person living with the ramifications. Instead of being angry a life was lost, open your heart to seek the life still here to save. Listen, and if you can think of nothing else to say, say, "I love you."

Instead of imprisoning them to what they've done, seek God's wisdom to set them free to who He desires them to be. He doesn't desire them to live in pain and self-hatred for the rest of their lives. That isn't how our God works. His heart for them is love, peace, joy, and forgiveness...from Him and themselves.

Live His heart.

And if you are one of these precious mommas (or daddies)...

If you need to talk,
if you need to pray,
if you need to tell me about the baby you hold in your heart,
if you need to know more about the God who wants to hold you,
please visit my profile. You can find my email there.

I'm not a counselor. I'm just a woman...who has hurt horribly...and who knows a God who loves madly. He is all I have, but He is all you need.

With deep heart love and compassion,
Jerri