Because You Need to Know

I don't often post to other people's blogs or post other people's work here, but this article...nothing I say can compare. This is heart deep to the core, and you need to read it.

You need to read this because someone you know will need you to know this. There is no "at least". There is no spiritualizing it and making it more noble or less tragic. There is just loss--horrible, heart wrenching loss. And you need to know.

From

The Lewis Note

Friday, February 21, 2014

Why miscarriage matters when you're pro-life

Back in my former life, I was a proofreader.

We were a fabulous group of gals. But, I'm not going to lie -- we were pretty nitpicky. And NOT the most popular in the office. In fact, we had not just one book, but multiple books by which we would mentally check each word, each phrase, each sentence.

We had rules about whether a dash should be the size of a capital "N" or a capital "M" (and yes, we did measure). We ensured the proper use of "insured," then assured all the writers that, yes, everyone gets those words mixed up. And of course, we must never forget to correct the spacing on an ellipsis. (#.#.#.#). Very important, that one.

But we had one rule that trumped all rules:

Consistency was king.

You see, on most issues, you could get away with breaking a rule or two -- as long as you were consistent.

And now, after both quitting my job and going through 3 first-trimester losses in a row (primarily surrounded by pro-lifers), I really wish I could say the same thing about life. And about pregnancy loss.

I must make a disclaimer (to all my friends and family reading this) -- You did the best you could. And for the most part, I felt loved and I knew that so many of you grieved with me.

To be perfectly honest, before my losses, I didn't quite understand that the way we pro-lifers treat miscarriage is important.

And yet after we lost Olivia, it didn't take long for me to realize that in this Christian microcosm of ours, somehow an aborted baby had so much more to offer the world than a miscarried one.

 

To read more....

 

 

All rights and text belong to Rachel Lewis, author of The Lewis Notes. All credit is hers.

When People Hate Being Loved

I've been reading about this person and that person coming out as gay and how courageous they are for standing up for their beliefs. And I'm wondering.

If I come out as a Christian who stands for the Bible, traditional marriage, forgiveness for sin, living a godly life, and heaven not being for anyone who doesn't play by the rules to get there, does that make me courageous or a hater? Because here is the thing, I don't hate anyone.

I don't think those people coming out as gay hate me because I'm not. So why should people assume I hate them because I come out as a Christian? Because I don't agree with them? There are a lot of people I don't agree with, but I don't hate them. I just don't agree with them. There is a difference.

I don't hate people if they are gay, heterosexual adulterer, or a virgin; drunk or sober; drug addict or clean; victim of believing the lie of abortion or had 18 babies and counting; church goer or not. I don't hate them. However, I do believe with all that is in me that the only joy in this life comes from a relationship with God the Father and Creator through His Son Jesus, and the only door for that is confession of sins as defined by the book written via inspiration by God, the acceptance of forgiveness for those sins through the blood of Christ, and living out the salvation one claims to have. Because of that belief, if someone is living outside the guidelines presented by the Bible, I will call the actions wrong.

I tell my son when 7x8 does not equal 64. I could leave it like that so he could feel good about himself, but he would be wrong, and it would impact his life. Telling him the right answer may not make me popular with him, but if he listens, it helps him in life.

If know the truth of what God expects and the glory of what He offers and do not speak that truth, then I am really saying, "I know this is messing up your present life and will keep you from entering heaven for eternity and in fact, will send you to hell, but I don't care. I'm too afraid of making you angry or hurting your ego to do what is best for you." I don't tell people the truth out of hate. I tell people the truth because I know a better way.

I don't tell my son he is wrong because I think he is stupid or broken. I tell him because he doesn't know. It's not a judgment against him. It's just where he is. When I share the truth of Christ, it isn't in judgment of someone not following Him. I don't think they are stupid or bad. I think they don't know.

So what makes me a hater exactly? The fact that I think there are consequences to one's actions? The fact that I have the courage to stand against the lie that God is good and God is love  and He just wants people happy and would never send anyone to hell?

Well, God is good and He is love, which is why He sent Christ to die on a cross for the forgiveness of sins and redemption of lives. You can find that over and over. It is all over the New Testament. What I've never found, though, is a live any way you want for free card. It simply isn't in there.

Again, not hating. Just speaking the truth according to the Word of God.

Now, if you don't like that Truth, that is your choice. If you don't want to live by it, that is also your choice. I still love you, but I won't lie to you and tell you it's okay. Love wants the best for you. Hate doesn't care what happens to you. If I told you it's okay when it's not, THAT would be hatred, and even if you hate me, I love you too much for that.

A Right Now Resurrection

Daddy,

I LOVE YOU!!!

Thank you for a chance to celebrate your power to resurrect dead lives, dead hopes, dead dreams, dead hearts, and dead souls.

 Thank you for a day given to celebrate your love that would rathe die for us than see us die.

 Thank you for the limitless power Jesus released when He hung on that cross and took our sins upon Himself so we could stand before you in His righteousness.

 Thank you for....oh, my heart...I lose words....

 Daddy, today there are people who need to hear your power, near to hear your hope, near to hear your love. There are people thinking their hopes, their dreams, their marriages, their kids, their careers, their callings, THEY THEMSELVES are dead or are too dead. There are people today GASPING FOR AIR thinking any moment it will be the last breath. Daddy, DADDY! Hear them. Respond to them. Pour yourself out on them. I pray the power that defeated eternal death on that cross would pour into these lives right now. RIGHT NOW! I bind these hopes and dreams to you. I bind these lives, relationships, purposes to you. Daddy, breathe life where it is needed. Make your presence known. Make it obvoius to these precious people that Resurrection wasn't something that just happened 2,000 years ago. It is something that happens EVERY SINGLE DAY IN YOU. Jesus is the resurrection every single day, and in Him there is resurrection for whatever seems dead. In Him there is life right now for THEIR LIVES.

 Daddy, this day is not about Easter eggs or even awesome family dinners—although you are ALL about family. Today is a day of resurrection, and there is so much you want to resurrect. I pray you would give the hope, faith, and courage to each person waiting for the resurrection that they might believe in what you want to resurrect in their lives.

 Thank you, Daddy. I love you.

 I see a husband who has made mistakes, not understood true manhood, not understood what a strong husband truly is, and he is wondering if he has blown it without possibility of redemption. The Lord says, “A broken spirit and contrite heart I will not refuse. Humble yourself before me. I will teach you to love her.”

 I see a woman crying over her family. I think it is her kids. She is sitting at a dining table, crying out. Oh, Lord, she is crying out. I hear Him saying, “Trust in me. Simply trust in me.” I believe He wants to teach you how to stop parenting in fear and start parenting in faith. You’ve created a chasm because you’ve been trying to control because you are scared for your kids. Your afraid of their going down the road you did or worse. He doesn’t want you to live in fear. Fear only kills. Faith heals and gives life. Pour yourself into Him and let Him pour into you. Let your prayer be for your trust in him to be increased, and as you give them to Him, you will see their hearts turn back to you and to home. More than that, you will see their hearts turn to Him, and He says not to panic over missteps or sidesteps. He has not abandoned them. Fathers don’t abandon their kids.

 I also see someone sitting by either a large lake or an ocean. Young woman. You’re heart is broken. I feel like you keep muttering to yourself that you’ve made such a mess of things and you are specifically referring to things you’ve done, the life you are now living, and you feel bound to this life, like you don’t know how to get out, like you’ve created this prison with friendships and choices. The Lord wants you to know there is no prison He can’t get you out of, and yes, the exodus can be challenging, but He can get you out and wants to get you out. He adores you. Did you hear that? He adores you, and if you put your hand out, He is all in. He’s ready to save you. Just set your face like flint and be prepared for a lot of changes. He’s going to get you out of that environment, away from those people, and He is going to give you a new place with new relationships. I also feel like He is saying, “Don’t believe the lie you are unworthy. Only I get to determine your worth, and you are worth this to Me.”

 I also feel like there is a drug addict and also someone who has had an abortion, and you cannot believe you’ve gotten where you are. You disgust yourself. The Lord says He knows the road that got you here. He knows the pain that led to your decisions, and not only does He want to heal you of the pain of those decisions, He wants to heal you of the pain that led you here in the first place.

 I see a sexual abuse victim. Young person, and He wants you to know your cries have not gone unheard. He has heard you. Daddy, this is hard for me because you know my heart about this. I am asking you to do what has to be done to reveal this abomination. I pray for you to remove this abuser from this person’s life. I pray for safe refuge. I pray for a safe place to heal. I pray the lies that this person is the cause of the abuse would be silenced. I ask you to slap down the person inflicting this pain. I ask you to heal everything that has been harmed in this victim’s mind, heart, and spirit. I pray for physical healing. I pray for complete restoration of identity and joy in who you made this person to me. I pray for the young man that you would restore his manhood, that he would not fear being a man, that he would not loathe being a man, that he would not see his manhood as dirty or evil but that he would rejoice in the gift of being a godly man with integrity and honor. I break the ties Satan has placed on him in Jesus’ name, and I ask you to restore him to the fullness of who you made him to be.

And for this young woman who wants to mutilate her body or hide her womanness either in manliness or with obesity so no man will ever find her attractive and hurt her again, I ask you to heal her I ask you to restore to her the beauty of her womanhood. I ask you to heal her from fear, heal her from shame. I pray that you would free her from the nightmares. Restore her to the woman you created her to be. There is gentleness and softness in her that is so needed, and I pray you would give this back to her.

Daddy, I bring before you this person who is being bullied. I ask for a steel canister to be placed around this person so that the verbal assault will fall on deaf ears and there would be no heart or mind damage. I know evil exists, and there is no perfect world, so I am asking for physical protection, that no contact would be made, and I ask that you would put a silencer in the ears of this victim so that the voices would not penetrate. I pray that the only voices this person hears would be voices speaking life and identifying this person as the gift YOU declare him/her to be, and I pray those voices would saturate the mind, heart, and spirit of this person.

I feel like there are so many who need a word from God, who need hope, who need to know God sees you and hears you. I’ve posted what I’ve heard specifically, but I feel like the Lord wants me to offer specific prayer to anyone who would like it. If you would like specific prayer, you can comment here or message me through my profile. I will pray and share with you what I feel the Lord says. If you would like the exchange to remain private, I will need an email where I can send my reply. I give you my word, I will share nothing with anyone else, not your name, not your need, not your email.

I pray today is a resurrection day for you. I pray you know more than ever that this day is about Jesus’ death for you because of His love for you.

Blessings,

Jerri

 

Like It or Not, It's True

I keep hearing people say it is time to stop doing the mamsy-pamsy Christian thing. We need to be blunt and real and call it like it is. I agree. So here is how it is.

Homosexuality is a sin.

How big is the sin of homosexuality?
It's as bad as having an abortion.

 How bad is THAT? It's bad. Really bad. In fact, it is SO bad that....

It is as bad as gossiping.
It is as bad as lying.
It is as bad as critical attitudes and slanderous talk.
It is as bad as being a heterosexual who is having sex outside of marriage.
It is as absolutely awful as judging other people for sins they commit because a person cannot see how to give grace due to the plank in their own eyes.

 Yeah. It's THAT bad.

 

Thank God His heart to forgive and His grace covers homosexuality and abortion...and that other really bad stuff as well.

When Abortion Makes Sense

Why would anyone have an abortion?

Why would someone kill their own baby?

Why would anyone do that?

 

Because the fear of parental retribution or cruelty is real.

Because someone says, "Either you do this, or you are on your own," and at 14, 15, 16 year old, how does one make it on her own...little less with a baby in tow?

Because the thought of having a baby that needs extreme medical intervention, that will need extreme help physically, mentally, financially is simply more than a person can handle. It isn't about wanting a perfect baby. It's about being an imperfect human who has limits and doesn't know how to climb Everest when a normal hill was already looking huge.

Because not all daddies are kind. Some are cruel, and some give two options: you get rid of the baby,

Because it can feel more humane to abort a baby then let a man who doesn't want it kick and beat the life out of it while he kicks and beats the life out of you.

Becasue mommies carrying babies from incest are terrified of that baby being the next victim.

Because sometimes being alone and trying to take care of oneself is overwhelming. The idea of being responsible for another human being...that can bury you.

 

Because peer pressure can be relentless.

 

Because giving up what you've never seen seems easier than giving up what you've felt move, heard cry, and know looks like you.

Why have an abortion?

Because people are human, and fear is a weapon of hell that Satan uses in a kazillion different ways to steal, kill, and destroy.

If you want to stop abortion, stop judging. Stop declaring you can't understand...and get some understanding. Quit talking about how you don't know how anyone could do that and find out why they do that. THEN, deal with the WHY.

Judgment doesn't care about the why. It cares about the what.

Compassion cares about why, how to help, and what needs to be done to heal.

You want to stop babies from being killed? Address what those mommas fear if they live.

The Missing Answer--When a Baby is Aborted

Last night I sat at church in a candlelight service looking for the light, looking for the Father's heart, seeking Him in the darkness...my darkness...the world's darkness..the darkness where He wanted to be found...the darkness where people need to find Him.

Almost before I had finished asking, "Lord, give me your heart," I heard the words, "The Missing Answer--When a Baby is Aborted." My heart ached, and I knew it is because His heart aches. I felt sadness and compassion of such magnitude it was almost as though I would disappear into it, and I thought I understood.

Then I heard Him whisper through His heavy-heartedness, "It isn't for the babies. It is for the mommas."

I saw an ocean of mommas with hearts filled with pain...and arms empty...and they had no way to grieve.

I heard Him say, "And they can tell no one."

Because people think they are getting what they deserve. People think they should feel bad, they should realize the heinous thing they've done, they should suffer for the wrong they've committed...they should know it was their fault.

The world thinks these mommas have forfeited their rights to ache as mommas because they were frightened, confused, and mistaken about the options laid before them, or maybe they felt they had no option at all. They made a choice most of us don't understand because we've never been there.

I've never been there either, but I understand making mistakes I wish I could undo. I understand the shame I felt, the shame that kept me from telling, from feeling like I had a right to feel anything other than horrible. I understand feeling like I not only deserved to feel wretched but by all that was right, should feel wretched. I understand hating myself and what I'd done. I understand feeling wholly undeserving of compassion and having no hope of forgiveness. I understand grief and guilt that suffocates and drowns.

I also understand my God looks at the person not the choice, heals the pain not judges the person, and loves where a person is and not where other thinks she should have been.

I understand that my God's heart is to heal the brokenhearted, set captives free, proclaim release for prisoners in darkness, forgive sins, and restore lives. I understand my Bible says with God the old is done and a new life is available, and I understand the Bible says those promises are for everyone, not "everyone except women who have had abortions."

And I understand these mommas watch due dates slip by that rip at their hearts but they have to pretend all is fine because how do you tell? Who do you tell?
I understand these mommas put on brave faces when children yell, "Mommy," and they aren't the one being called.
I understand watching loving hugs rips hearts to pieces.
I understand wondering...wishing...what if...

As I sat in that candlelight service celebrating a baby who came to be a light in the darkness, I asked the Lord for His heart for these mommas, and this is what I heard:

You have the right to grieve.
You have the right to be brokenhearted.
You have the right to mourn a due date, a birthday, and a large belly.
You have the right to hurt with a first word, every time a child calls someone else, "Mommy," when someone gets a hug you won't ever feel.
You have the right to ache to the very core of who you are.
You have the right to cry, to wonder what would have been.
You are a mom, and you have the right to grieve and mourn as a mom whose baby has been lost because yours was.
You have not forfeited your right to hurt as a mom who aches for her child. You are a mom. You have the right to grieve as one.
I give you that right.
I'm grieving with you...for you...I know how you hurt.
I'm with you.
I know.
And you don't have to be afraid of me.
I'm right here.
I don't hate you. I don't judge.
I love you. I forgive you. I want you to forgive you, too.
Let's talk about this baby together.
Let's walk through this to find your peace.
I don't want you to stay here.
You've hurt bad enough, long enough.
It's time to heal. Give me the pain. Give me your heart.
I can handle it.
I'm all in. We can get through this.
I know who you are. I know your heart.
I'm asking you to trust mine.

If you know someone who has had an abortion, instead of thinking about the act, think about the person living with the ramifications. Instead of being angry a life was lost, open your heart to seek the life still here to save. Listen, and if you can think of nothing else to say, say, "I love you."

Instead of imprisoning them to what they've done, seek God's wisdom to set them free to who He desires them to be. He doesn't desire them to live in pain and self-hatred for the rest of their lives. That isn't how our God works. His heart for them is love, peace, joy, and forgiveness...from Him and themselves.

Live His heart.

And if you are one of these precious mommas (or daddies)...

If you need to talk,
if you need to pray,
if you need to tell me about the baby you hold in your heart,
if you need to know more about the God who wants to hold you,
please visit my profile. You can find my email there.

I'm not a counselor. I'm just a woman...who has hurt horribly...and who knows a God who loves madly. He is all I have, but He is all you need.

With deep heart love and compassion,
Jerri

The Power of a Name

Our local newspaper is having a “semantics” debate, or so it would appear. The question is what the labels should be for the groups that are either pro-life or pro-choice in philosophy. The off-handed answer is, “Who cares?” or “What difference does it make?” Well, actually, it makes a lot of difference.

The newspaper has determined that it is indirectly derogatory to use the term “pro-life”. By using this label, it is insinuated that the opposing group is anti-life. Granted, to say that those who support the right for a woman to terminate her pregnancy at any time are anti-life is a bit extreme. They don’t dismiss the value of ALL life. They obviously value their own or they would not make the choice to protect its convenience or facade, and I doubt these people would pull a gun on a stranger on the street and murder them for no reason. So “anti-life” might be a bit strong.

To correct this, the newspaper suggests referring to the groups as “pro-“ and “anti-abortion”. That seems simple enough. Except that the intimation of the term “anti-abortion” is that those who believe children are a divinely created person with a purpose for being conceived in the first place are, in fact, antagonists of those who believe the solution for our nation’s family crisis is to kill “unwanted” children. Those who are anti-abortion are seen as the ones oppressing those who simply want their rights.

I find it ironic that those of us who do not believe abortion is a right or an option cannot be pro-life because it suggests those who oppose our philosophy are pro-death, but it is perfectly acceptable to label us with a term that suggests we are oppressive and unfeeling for those “in crisis”.

I will be honest. I don’t even like the term “pro-choice”. The baby has no choice, and frankly, I think if we stop screaming about the horror of the act and look deeper at the cause, we would realize that a large number of abortions are the result of women feeling they have no choice. I personally know two young women whose parents made them have abortions. Were those women “pro-choice”, or was their “choice” forced on them?

And before we get so self-righteous and proclaim, “Well, they got pregnant. They had the choice to not have sex,” let’s get off our high horses and look at the reality of the mentality of women who have sex outside of marriage, especially teenage girls. Instead of taking it on a case by case basis, let’s do a general look at one woman most of us have read about—the prostitute that washed Jesus’ feet with her tears.

I don’t know how old she was when she became sexually involved the first time. It doesn’t really matter. She was a woman when she went to Jesus, and you know what we see in her? We see a woman who was told her identity and worth was wrapped up in her ability to please and satisfy a man sexually. What do you think television and secular music teaches women...and men? Look at the clothes that are fashionable for young girls. Look at the magazines for the “tween” and teens. And look how parents and the church promote this mindset. I think it is easy to see why women don’t see themselves as any more valuable than the woman who poured her heart out at Jesus feet.

So here is a woman who obviously has sexual freedom. In fact, she makes her living being free to have sex, and what do we find her doing? Standing on a street corner yelling that she has the right to do anything she wants with her body? Accosting Jesus and telling Him to mind His own business because hers is a good life and He has no right to interfere with her rights and her choices? No. We find her at the feet of the One that values her for her whole being. We find her so desperate for value and identity that embraces her right to be something besides an object of gratification for others that she is willing to risk walking into a Pharisee’s house into a room with a bunch of self-righteous, highly religious men. We see a woman who had all the rights and could make any choice she wanted, and she chose the love of Jesus.

I will not dismiss a person’s responsibility. A person is responsible for what they choose to do with their body, but we simplify the situation too much when we remove the causes of those actions. It is easy to define someone who has an abortion as selfish, self-centered, and cold-hearted. It becomes complicated when we look deeper and find those people are terrified, abandoned, rejected, or confused. How do we respond to the woman who is in a destructive relationship because she believes that is all she is worth, and then becomes pregnant and cannot begin to fathom what she is supposed to do? She can’t figure out how to take care of herself, little less a baby. What about the teenager who feels estranged from her parents already and is involved with a boy that “loves her” only when a baby comes into the picture he doesn’t know her name? What then?

Don’t get me wrong. I think abortion is a sin. I think lying is a sin, but people do it when it seems the easier way out. I think alcoholism is a sin, but people do it when they need to escape something. The difference is we can often relate to the person who feels overwhelmed or wounded and as a result does something sinful. Not many of us can relate to someone facing the overwhelming responsibility of taking care of a baby that they never expected when in truth, on some level they are really looking for someone to take care of them. I think if we take Paul’s words into consideration that our battle is not against flesh and blood-not against the women having abortions or the doctors doing the abortions or even the leaders legalizing abortions-“but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” maybe we would quit bickering over the semantics of labels or viciously pointing figures based on perception of heart conditions and actually make a difference in this battle for life, and I don’t just mean for that of the unborn child.

Does that solve the great label debate? Not unless we take an uncomfortable look at the truth. The truth is Christians often refer to people who abort a child or support that option as selfish and self-centered. Well of course they are, so is every Christian I know. That is the definition of the flesh that wants its own way. The difference is a Christian has the Holy Spirit leading them into truth so they can overcome the flesh. Those who are lost don’t have that. We have the Truth as our direction. What do those who are lost have? The lies the world tells them. They have the lie that they are only as important as what they can accomplish, and a baby would mess that up. They have the lie that they aren’t valuable and nothing that comes from them is valuable. The lies vary, but they all have one thing in common—they are lies. Christians will never affect the problem by calling people names. Instead, we need to call the lies “lies” and declare the truth that these women and their babies are masterpieces of Almighty God. The God who made the universe was detailed enough to make them part of it, and they are His beloved creations whom He seeks to draw to Him. Lives will not change until women understand their true value and identity in the Lord.

I realize my perspective does not lend itself to offering up politically correct labels. However, it would do the Christian community good to consider its own heart when offering labels rather than simply screaming about labels that attack its character or intentions. We can call “pro-abortion” people a lot of things like “wounded” or “deceived”, and we can agree they act that way. We call ourselves “Christians”. I pray we act that way.