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UNDAUNTED
For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Lent Day 3--From my Journal

Isn't it the most absurd of prayers that slip from my lips as soon as my eyes open.

"Lord, what do I need to do to experience this love of Yours?"

What do I need to do?

Isn't that what I have given up? The doing?

The doing that is never done well enough?

Isn't the doing the killer I'm supposed to be dying to?

I sigh repentence.

Lord, help me be today.

Help me be aware of Your gifts. You promise good gifts to the righteous and unrighteous, and maybe in knowing and rejoicing in Your gifts I will desire the right more and the unrighteous less.

And maybe in Your giving I will learn to give.

Jesus said He can only do or say what He sees and hears you do. Maybe if I see you more and hear Your heart I will be more like you, too.

That would be gift.

And I stop and think--
To be so saturated in Him that I drop Him...
To love Him so much that I love like Him.

To be filled with You...
I don't want to miss this...this love poured out. I don't want to miss one second of who You are, and instead of focusing on You, I am lost in the deathtrap of thinking about what pleases me so I can do what pleases me and experience Your love more. How is that any different than the doing I've done? Isn't this the very doing I am dying to?

It is still acting for You to get an action from you.

Oh, God, is this a dying I will have to do for the rest of my life?

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2 comments:

  1. mizzbrizzFebruary 15, 2013 at 8:31 AM

    I had the best night with my super awesomes last night as we did our "Experiencing God" study. It wasn't in the study that the blessings came, but in our connection to one another. As I explained my struggle, one of the SAs spoke truth. She told me to stop TRYING to do what I THINK I am supposed to do, and just go back to enjoying Him in the little things. No more DO-ing stuff that I think I am supposed to do to get close to Him and really just be in a relationship. Seeing Him as He is, what He's doing, His creation, wherever I feel called to experience Him.
    So, instead of doing a bunch of Bible readings, today, I am listening to Christian music (one of the things that always draws me back to Him because it speaks to me as if from Him) and just being happy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 15, 2013 at 11:17 AM

    LOVE THIS!!!

    Going to my deck to do some pondering on that one! :-)

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