For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Missing Pictures

June 16, 2007

Today was our family reunion. Every other year my dad’s family gathers the day before Father’s Day to reconnect and meet new members of the clan. In the past we have done family group pictures. I like looking back at those pictures and remembering precious folks that have been important in my life.

Today we did family pictures. Two years ago when we took those pictures, I felt as though I couldn’t breathe. In fact, my knees buckled, and I had to lean against a table. Today, it was easier, but tears still came. The pictures affect me because of those who are no longer in them. When it was my family’s turn, I suddenly had an incredible sense of being alone.

Today my brother had to work. My mom has remarried, and she and my step-dad felt odd about attending, and my dad is no longer here to attend.

I miss my dad.

I hate that we have these reunions the day before Father’s Day. While I really enjoy my family, there is always an underlying sadness. Father’s Day is tough in and of itself, and the reunion only reminds me of how much is missing.

I know we have hope because of the Lord Jesus Christ, and I know the Father God is our true Father. He is a Father to the fatherless, and I am blessed in that the Lord has given me a wonderful step-dad. I know I am not without or lacking.

I also know I would love to hear my dad laugh again. I would love one more cup of his coffee. I would love to sit with him on the porch and look across the creek bottom and watch the sun come up one more time.
Tonight we took my step-dad out for dinner, and we had a lovely time with him. We always do. Tomorrow we’ll celebrate my husband because he is a great dad.

And the sadness in my heart and feeling of loss will hopefully cause me to take a closer look at what is IN the picture.

I pray your pictures are full of people who bring you joy…even those precious people who are missing.

1 comment:

  1. Jerri,
    May God walk with you in your sadness. If we can get our emails working I'll share more on that . . .