For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My Journal Uncensored--God's Silence

(Journal entries from late November 2011)

I am overwhelmed. I am staring at God wondering how He tolerates me..and completely overcome by His love for me.

"He is jealous for me.
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
O, how He loves us so
O, how He loves us
O, how He loves us so"
(How He Loves by David Crowder)

I have felt--abandoned.

There is a difference between feeling unloved and abandoned.

I don't doubt God loves me, but I confess I feel for whatever reason, He has left me to simply endure or learn some hard lesson or--I don't know. I only know He is silent, and silence when my pain rages and He has power to act only feels like abandonment.

I have begged for help with all the things where I feel overwhelmed, and I know He has given me answers about some of them, but I get so overwhelmed by everything else. I don't know how to deal with it all, and some days are so full of so much that I simply dread facing them.

This week, especially yesterday, I have been so angry. All these promises, and I am seeing nothing.

And I can do nothing else.

I feel like a failure across the board, and I can't find answers. Don't know where else to look.

But God has promised good things? So where are they?


  1. Love you deep! Love how you always seem to know when to speak in the silence...and your words drip Him. I am beyond grateful for you.