For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

When God Hijacks a Blog Post He Writes a Story of Healing

Two years later and the heart wound still gapes, and buying a birthday card shouldn't be so hard, so I take a deep breath, hold the head high, and march right in like I own it because if I don't own it, it'll own me, and the cards sit on the counter waiting for address and stamps, and I wait for some magic tick of the clock to make this wad of emotions I don't want to confess either become sensible or simply disappear. Is disappearing too much to ask? Evidently, because I've asked. Oh, goodness how many times I've asked, and still, this wad sits there tying me into a knot and causing tears to slide.

And all because of that blooming birthday card!

Except it isn't about the card. The card just just a box of gritty sea salt poured on the heart wound.

Two years of gaping heart hidden under my Super Jerri costume, right under the big old "J" for Jesus-liver who knows she is whole in Jesus and healed and Jesus and has it all together in Jesus, bleeding through the blood that is supposed to make it all okay is the reality that all is not okay.

And I hate writing these words. I hate crawling up on this altar, and I hate laying my heart bare because some stories I don't want to tell. There are things I don't want people to know, but there are people who need to be known, and they don't need to know my story as much as they need to know God knows their story...

...And God knows your story...

...He knows the heart wound gaping and the emotional knot that has you tied to the pain and the excruciating gritty sea salt burn. And He knows it isn't just a card...or a gift...or a call just to see how someone is. He knows it is Everest right where you live, and He knows you'd rather face Everest than this, but this is what stands in front of you. And He watches you with tears hot and drippy as you breath deep, hold head high, and walk in like you own it because you can't let it own you...

And the only way to become free is to call the prison what it is...

And the only way to healing the heart wound is to show where life drains...

To be whole in Jesus is to embrace all His wholeness, and how can He be the Healer if I never need healing?

And just why is it so hard to tell someone I need the heart Doctor to doctor my heart when it is this sick person He came for in the first place?

So I lie on the altar and ask what story to tell because I know my story is really His story, and if people find their story in my story, they find their story in Him. They find themselves in Him. And isn't that where we all get healed from what ails us?

In Him.


  1. Quite awhile ago, my friend, God said to me, "Live life out loud." I don't want to be disobedient, but find that I really don't know how to do that. But, I see you doing that here. It truly IS so important to be open and vulnerable because others then realize that they are not alone and what they experience is not peculiar to them! We are ALL broken people, and those who can lay on that altar and be seen are the most beautiful of all! You are beautiful my dear!

  2. Jan...tears of deep gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
    Yes, beautiful one, live loud! You have so much to give and so much living to do! Do it LOUD!
    Lively, loud blessings!!