I share this because some folks I know have told me how much they hate their lives,
and I wonder if maybe it is because they've forgotten how to breathe....
We are moving, and in the course of sorting, packing, and tossing, I've filled a few boxes with school supplies that I thought might be useful for the schools in Moore, OK. Wanting to make sure I get the most for my money, I've opted to drive the few hours there instead of shipping them, and while we are there, we are pulling on our work gloves and seeing if we can help someone find their way into a solid hope for rebuilding. If nothing else, maybe we can hand out a few Kleenex, give a few hugs, and be a friendly face on a hard day.
I shared what we were doing with friends and said if anyone wanted to go, I have a few seats left in my pickup and if anyone wanted to send supplies, I have room in the back. Just figured if I was going already...
Folks responded, and more supplies and donations are headed that way, which I love.
I was told I'm amazing for taking supplies to Moore and spending a day working.
Nice thought. I appreciate it, but I know the truth.
I'm not amazing. In fact, this is one of the most selfish things I've done, actually.
In the process of my family's moving, I want to be still.
I'm thankful for the new house. It is beautiful. Thankful to be moving. So in awe of how God has worked everything out, but I'm also tired.
The packing, organizing, calls, appointments...moving "stuff"...is so incredibly self-centered and time intensive that I feel toxic.
Yes, we want to help people in Moore, but really, I want to go, get back in touch with someone else, let my heart be broken, and detox. I *need* a day that wears me out emotionally and physically for someone else.
And that isn't amazing.
It's really pretty selfish, but it is a selfish that feels like being a human who is looking past the "stuff I need to do" list to the "person I want to be" list.
In all the stuff that becomes so center stage that it can be suffocating, this feels like breathing.