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UNDAUNTED
For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

How I Messed Up My Marriage

More than once I've been asked how my marriage ended. People usually mean am I widow or divorced? Well, legally speaking, it ended when he moved out, I filed for divorce 6 months later, and then he dropped dead of a massive heart attack a month after that. However, that isn't really how it ended. It ended long before that. Marriages do, you know. They end long before someone declares them dead.

Mine ended about the second the pastor said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife."

I know. How in the world can a marriage end at the moment it starts?

Simple. I messed up. Huge.

We dated for nearly three years before we were married. About nine months in, we broke up. Something wasn't okay. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it wasn't. When I tried to talk to him about it, he asked simply, "Do you want to break up?"

And we did.

We shouldn't have. The break up, how it happened, how he reacted, should have told me to run the other direction, but there were a lot of other voices telling me how amazing he was, how perfect he was, how messed up I was. "In fact," these voices told me, "that is the problem. You are so messed up, you don't realize how amazing he is."

I believed them.

THAT is where I messed up.

I messed up when I ignored that quiet voice that said, "This isn't it."
I messed up when I ignored "little things" that concerned me.
I messed up when I chose to look only at the good things.
I messed up when I didn't trust myself when something kept telling me something was seriously wrong.
I messed up when I didn't believe what I knew even though I couldn't put it into words.
I messed up when I said, "I do," because I couldn't give a good reason why I didn't...and didn't think, "Because I don't," wasn't good enough.

Let me tell you something, "Because I don't," is good enough.

I told someone once that I felt like I had gotten on a crazy ride and didn't know how to get off. How do you get off when you are the only one who thinks it isn't the greatest thing ever? When people around you are saying you should feel thankful you were invited in the first place? When people are telling you how crazy and stupid you are for not wanting to be there when they would give anything to be you?

Simple. Step off the ride and say, "Here you go. You can have it." Then walk away.

You don't have to know why someone is wrong for you, only that they are.

And the idea that you can make the right marriage with the wrong person...why would you intentionally do that? I mean really, that's just messed up.

4 comments:

  1. This is something that every unmarried woman needs to read. Walking away is hard, but it can prevent hurt later.

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  2. Thank you for sharing!! I almost married the wrong man a couple of times. The last man I REALLY was trying to marry INSPITE of God's "no". Thankfully God helped me walk away and then started teaching me how unhealthy the relationship was and how unhealthy I have been. All things work for our good and we all grow in wisdom on our own path.

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  3. Nicole,
    So thankful for God's faithfulness to you! I know it had to be hard to walk away, but what a blessing that the Lord was relentless in pursuing you. And isn't that what it really is when God stops us from pursuing what isn't of Him--His pursuing us so we find Him? His love is breathtaking, isn't it?! I am praising God for His mercy and goodness to you, and I hope you keep me updated on the rest of this story. Love stories with God are always amazing to me. :-) Blessings for all He has for you!
    Jerri

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