It's Friday, and the week is fading behind us. Maybe it went like you hoped, maybe it went worse than you could imagine. If it went better, I'm excited for you. If it went worse, I won't pour salt in your pain and tell you all things work together for your good, and I won't promise God has good things planned for you because I've read the Bible and I've see what "good plans" worked together in the lives of Josheph, Daniel, Moses, and Jesus. Sometimes the good stuff doesn't feel good. It feels spirit-crushing and heart-stopping bad. What I will tell you is I've walked through some of that bad, and I hated it while I was in it, but even then, God didn't hate me. God didn't hate the honest pain. He didn't hate the burning tears. He didn't hate the confused questions. God isn't afraid of how hard you can be to deal with when you are going through hard places. His love is too beautiful to be drowned in the pit of your ugly mud-ness. And if you are trying to find your way too Him, know He is, right now, finding His way through all the ugly and the pain and the hard to find you. He hasn't left you, and believe me, you need Him now more than ever. Not because it makes sense, but because it doesn't. Because your human mind and human heart will never come through some kinds of pain without a Hand carrying you. You may still be breathing in 9 years without HIm, but you won't be alive. You won't be through the pain. Time doesn't heal. Only the hand of God heals.
And I know, it is easy to blame Him and question Him and accuse Him, but ultimately, the only way through the hard is to trust Him. YOu may be wondering how you do that in the midst of where you are. Well, I'll tell you what I did. I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to increase my faith. I asked Him to increase my trust, and I asked Him to give me things along the way to remind my forgetful humanness that He is with me. And you know what He did? He said, "Okay." No condemnation. No shame. No guilt. No, "How could you be so lame?" Just, "Okay. I've got you."
See, God knows we are mud. He knows we are frail, and He never demands us to be strong all the time. Instead, He invites us to come to Him because He knows we are weak. In our weakness, He is strong. In my weak trust, He is a strong presence. In my weak faith, He is a strong reminder. When I am to weak to find Him in my own faith, He is strong enough to find me with His faihtfulness.
I pray today, if you can't find Him in your faith, you would let Him find you in His faithfulness.
Blessings and shalom,
--Jerri L. Kelley--