For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Warrior Princess? More Like The Warrior's Princess

This is from FB earlier. I cannot access the picture that goes with it, but I will try to post it to the FB post for this and add it hear when I can access it.
My Warrior Princess day:
The plan was to take WonderBoy to lunch, pick up our packets for a 5k (we can't participate in), and go to the Kimbell. Operative word: was
So Semper and I get our walk hour later than usual.
I get back to the house and have to make one of those phone calls that should have been fixed with one of the 8 emails or calls prior to now but wasn't, so I am on the phone trying to get the details of this confusion fixed when WG calls...three times...rapid succession. I put the man who is helping with one aspect of the confusion on hold and call WG back.
She has hit something driving down the road and blew a tire. She is okay. Car is off the road, but...questions. So I get off the phone with her, get back to confusion fixer man, and tell him I have to go.
As I am changing clothes (still wearing my pink camo shirt from my walk but changed into the tac pants because I evidently need to wash jeans tomorrow) to go get WG (because I'm still sweaty from the walk I have not showered from), my phone goes off, and honestly, it is one of those calls that make me feel so privileged, so I listend, pulled non-sweaty clothes on, and headed to help WG.
Long story short, the loop part of the jack bent and the jack fell over, and the car fell down. Thankfully, we were fine, but goobers, that was scary, so WG called WG, and I made some phone calls, and WG and I sat in my A/C blessed truck and talked while we waited for the tire guy.
When he got there, he lay on the ground on the side of the car while I lay at the front and showed me how to use one of those easy peezy jacks on her car and my truck (I so deeply appreciate this man). Then in 3 mintues, he had the tire off and replaced.
So I followed WG to Discount Tire (where I was when I posted the picture earlier), and she got the tire replaced. Thank the Lord for road hazard because the new tire was $18.
Jeana Edwards-Carlson met us and took WG to school while I flew home, checked my email to find that the conversation that was to fix the confusion created different confusion that I had to fix, showered/changedclothes/didmakeup, took WB to eat 3:00...pick up our 5k packets, and go to the Kimbll (got there at 5:30). While we were doing that, Lori Karvasale Freeland picked WG up from school and took her back to get her car.
WB and I enjoyed a lovely batch of cheese fries, and the museum was so nice. They stay open late on Fridays, have music, great date place. And the volunteers were WONDERFUL as we looked for the right piece of art for WB's report. Then we came a swept floor and some finished laundry and clean hall bath thanks to our guest (I know. YOu can't have her), Jeana.
And I won't lie. It was a hard day. Trying to figure out how to be everything everyone needed...I just couldn't, and some poor man tried to help with the tire, and he was trying to do the jack the way I had treid the first time we had a flat and was told it was wrong, and then he decided to read the jack to me and point to the picture. Okay, so I really didn't handle that well, and if i saw him again, I would need to apologize.
And, y'all, it was hard, not because of what had to be done, but because I simply could not do what both kids needed me to do today, and there is so much to that, but I've been looking at college and watching for full-time jobs, and in the back of my mind, I keep wondering how I can do all that and still be a present mom when our immediate vicinity support group...kind of isn't. Understand, I'm not saying we aren't loved. We are, but our support groups is kind of...not close. In the past, there have been things I've considered doing but didn't because I was afraid I couldn't be present for the kids ro be what they needed, and today, that same fear hit me, and it hit hard. But all the things I've been thinking about doing really feel like they are of God. Doors are opening in amazing ways, but...I'm afraid of not being a great mom. In fact, it is simpler than that. I'm afraid of not being able to take care of my kids.
Then Jeana and Lori stepped in, despite their having their own challenges today, and it was as if God said, "Really, I'm a gread Dad, and I know how to take care of our kids."
This past week I prayed for the Lord to show me anything that kept me from being what He wants me to be, and I was expecting character stuff. I never expected Him to show me this huge fear I have. I didn't even realize it was there.
I don't know about you, but sometimes God has to put me nose to nose with whatever is keeping me from Him so I realize HE is the only one who can deal with it. He has to show me the way I am afraid He will fail, so He can show me that He doesn't.
My post earlier said I am a princess warrior. Maybe it would be more accurate to say I'm the Warrior's Princess, and the way HE covers me and fights for just undoes me.
May you find great...peace...and comfort...and feelings of being loved, valued, and fought for...when everything goes crazy and you wonder why God isn't saving you...until you realize HE totally is.
Love and blessings,
--Jerri L. Kelley--

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