And the Greatest of These is...Perfect Worship

I don't really know the songs, and we don't sing the same song very often, so I'm not really learning them, which is tedious, but at another church, we had an eleven song play list, so we sang the same songs almost every week, and that was boring.

I'm not into rock music, and some of what we sing is rock-ish. Not my style. Hard to get into...for me. But the younger folk are all over it. Hands up. Eyes closed. You can look on their faces and see they have this...and more importantly, He has them.

At this church, we do worship after the sermon, not before. I've never been at a church that does that. It's weird. I'm used to a prayer, some music, maybe a shake hands with the neighbor behind you, and then the sermon. This prayer, song, sermon, worship thing sort of messes with my mind, but I really loved going to the store after church Sunday and the kids and I singing while we shopped because the music was still rolling in us...the worship coming out of us.

And what is with the worship team anyway? Sometimes we have a full crew with drums, keyboard, guitar, and multiple singers, and then there was Sunday when we had two on stage. Shouldn't it be consistent? I mean. How am I supposed to know what to expect if it is always changing? Except Sunday was meditative worship. The harmony was good, and the gentleness of the acoustic guitar and the voices allowed resting and soaking deep, and those rock-ish songs with their drums work for the kids. And I must confess. I like stopping and watching these young people pouring out their hearts, receiving His heart poured out. It's beautiful. It fills me with joy and hope, but even if it didn't, even if I got nothing out of it, I get something out of it. It is an absolute impossibility for God to invade the world through His children and my world not be affected and made better. Any time heaven comes to earth, I get something out of it.

Last week I had a conversation with a friend of mine who is having "worship issues" at his church, and I listened to him tell how this person had this problem and that person had that other problem, and really, they all had the same problem. The problem is they don't understand what worship is.

Worship isn't what we sing or whether we know the words. It isn't an order of service or style of music. Worship isn't whether you can raise your hands or jump up and down...or stand their with your hands in your pockets in silence.

Worship is acknowledging God as God.

Worship is realizing it isn't all about me and loving those kids enough to see God's heart is for reaching them.

Worship isn't conjuring an emotional response to get people hyped up for a sermon and shout, "Amen!" in regular intervals or on the appropriate downbeat. Worship is knowing the greatest thing anyone has to offer is an experience with God.

Worship isn't the first, second, and last verse, or knowing the songs so well you don't need the words. Worship is the heart without words that needs to hear God speak.

Worship is giving your all to God. Sometimes your all is simply walking into a church and saying, "I'm giving you the chance to find me because I can't find you in this hard place, but I'm not willing to walk away, so this is me walking to you." Sometimes your all is letting the tears fall while you whisper, "You are still good," even when it hurts oh, so very bad.

Worship is giving up my right to be important so God is important, so His plan is important, so others are important.

Music is an expression of worship, but worship is a response to God and our expression of our hearts toward Him and His goodness toward us.

I told my friend that our music isn't exactly my cup of tea either. He sort of groan-sighed. I said, "I'm stepping past the music because if my focus is on the music, I've just made it into a concert. It's not a concert. It's worship, and if I can't worship with music that glorifies God and praises Him, it's my problem, not the music's."

He sighed...more like a long-overdue exhale. He said it did his heart good to hear me say that. Funny, it does my heart good to live that.

2014 Copyright Jerri Kelley Phillips
All Rights Reserved

Presence

Once again, I am on my knees, asking forgiveness and for focus as I choose not to seek answers from Him but simply the presence of Him.

And once again, He is standing there smiling,

clapping wildly,

saying, "Oh, I love this part!"

Not because He loves to see me on my knees or needs to see me be repentant but because He loves my presence even more than I need His.

Prayer for a Better Day

Daddy,

Thank you for this day. Please use it to correct me.

Anywhere my...
....priorities are wrong...
...my goals are wrong...
...my scheduling is wrong...
show me and show me YOUR priorities, goals, and schedule.

Wherever I am choosing not to bless others when it is in my power, show me.

Wherever I am creating drama or my own distress by focusing on unimportant comments made to me, drivers who don't drive like I think they should, anyone who does not act like or respond the way I think they should...show me and correct me.

Lord, show me all the ways I create my own stress or burden others with my stress-living ways or attitudes. Teach me the way of peace and how to walk in it.

Thank you for loving me and disciplining me in mercy, gentleness, and love. I love you, Daddy!

Amen

A Focused Mission

Per my fabulous time with the Lord this morning: As usual, I asked who He wanted to talk about. That was a good time.

Then I asked Him what He wanted to speak forth and create in our lives. I loved His answer. He said, "It's time to focus on the children," and then true to His nature, He gave me the directions. They do not include blog/FB/computer time.

So...

I will be disappearing for a time. I'm thinking a few weeks, but only He knows. If I do well, maybe faster. If I'm a slacker, it'll be longer. In either case, He has a plan for my children, and He doesn't have patience for parents who are negligent to their duties, and I don't want to be.

So, my beloved ones, be blessed! God is for you, and His heart's desire is to give you more than you can imagine, even the peace and place of belonging you seek. Don't lose heart. Know He has a plan, and His love is ever for you.

Until...

I Wonder...

Why is it that being buried in busy is the considered a perfectly acceptable way to be buried alive? And don't people who are buried alive end up dead from lack of Breath?

Because GOD is the Answer

My dear friend Lisa Buffaloe was on Blog Talk Radio today. The interview and conversation was excellent. The ladies discussed several informative topics such as creating a blog, building an audience, and why they blog. One of the best topics addressed, in my opinion, is the importance of blogging for God's sake, not our own. While they were specifically addressing blogging, the truth shared is applicable to all parts of life, whether that be writing, singing, or mowing yards. Very encouraging...and convicting...stuff.

The whole program is about an hour, and it is worth the time. Drop by and get blessed!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/cwa-radio/2010/03/31/his-love-extended

Seeing Down the Path

It is 7:40 am, and I am sitting in a quiet house with the sun beginning to slide into the backyard and slip into the windows. It feels good to be quiet and still.

This is the first time in two weeks I have not started my day with a long to-do list sitting beside me, being added to as I think of things while trying to focus on my quiet time. It is the first time in two weeks I don't feel the pressure of "have to". It is the first time in two weeks I am not trying to figure out how to squeeze my family into the myriad of things to be done.

I just looked at the white board in my kitchen, which started the week saying, "Snuggle time for Robert and Mommy on the trampoline". It was our personal to do list. It stayed there a few days. We never did it, but now it is erased, and something else is there. It makes my heart sad.

Once again I tried to balance things, and I fell off the wire. I am hoping I didn't crash so hard that damage was done that cannot be healed.

This has not been an easy two weeks. While it has been productive, it has also been hard. It has stretched me, stretched my family, and left me with some questions. Today, while I am thanking the Lord for getting our family through the stretching, I am also asking Him what I could have done better. I am taking the whole thing back to the Life Director and asking how I missed it, where I missed it, what I should have differently. I need Him to show me where my priorities were wrong...and where they were right.

I don't believe it was all wrong. Just because something shakes up the status quo or messes with my comfort zone...or the comfort zone of my family...doesn't mean it is wrong or bad. It simply means the Lord is doing something new. He is leading down a new path.

There are two ways to go down a path.

The first way is knowing the path to take and barreling down it full speed ahead. That can be hard going. I have to watch my steps to avoid holes or rocks that can twist an ankle and possibly leave me stranded. I have to fight branches and limbs that grab at my head and face, and if I am not dressed correctly, the briers can rip my legs up.

The second way is to follow. When I follow, the Lord's voice comes back to me and tells me to watch out for the hole, step over the log, or duck under a limb. He knows when to stop so the snake ahead is well out of my path before I need to go by it. When God is leading, He is gives direction, leads my feet smoothly, and protects my head. I may not see the path, but I see Him, and that is all I need to see.

That is where I am this morning. Seeking Him. Making sure I am aligned correctly with Him in front. Listening carefully to be sure I hear His voice over the loud crash of my shattering comfort zone.

This morning I am not merely asking Him if I am on the right path. I'm asking if I am in the right place--behind Him, so that He is all I see. If He is all I see, then I see enough to get me where I am going safely.

Exchanging the "To Do" List for the "To Love" Life

I am spending my evening pondering Proverbs 31. You may wonder why I'm on the computer if I am pondering the Bible. I ponder better aloud, and while this isn't "aloud", at least this way my thoughts are not bottled up in my brain swishing back and forth and slamming into each other creating a mass of frenetic confusion.

Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever ponder until the simplicity of something becomes complex confusion which opens the door for frustration, and instead of leaving your quiet time blessed, you leave it convinced you can never be what God wants? That happens to me sometimes. In fact, it could happen this time, except I'm choosing to stop and study the mountain instead of just walking around it again.

As I see it, the mountain is this: this apparently impossibly perfect woman sits right in the middle of the Bible serving to be the bane of existence for women everywhere, but because she is a woman of excellence, a woman who draws forth blessings from others, a woman after God's heart per se, we are to be like her. In a nutshell, the mountain is our imperfection on the road to God's desired perfection.

We see her perfection and our lack thereof, and wham! An insurmountable mountain. Except, God never asks anything of us we cannot do. The one thing we could not do--be perfect enough to save ourselves--He made provision for. He's no dummy. If we are smart enough to know we can't be that perfect, so is He, and therefore, He had to have made provision for us to become this woman of biblical note. Either that, or we really don't understand the perfection He sees in her.

Honestly, I think it is both.

I am convinced no human being could accomplish all this woman does on her (or his, for that matter) own. No one could be that diverse, that sure of herself, that organized, that upbeat, that...everything in her humanness. A few weeks ago I posted on her core identity and where she gained wisdom, insight, and strategy.

It's more than that, though. It's not just that she knows how to do her to do list. I think it has to do with her understanding God's to do list. Jesus only gave us two "to do's"--Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself.

So this is what I am pondering: how does one exchange a "to do" list for a "to love" life?

I confess I am not really sure, but when I look at the mountain of perfection through the lens of a "to love life", suddenly it doesn't look like an impossible feat of my climbing a sheer face all by myself, knowing I'm going to fall and look stupid multiple times. Instead, it looks like an exciting adventure filled with laughter, fun, and amazing memories, and I can't help but think others will look at it and realize it is the exact adventure they've been seeking, too.

Lord, I come to the cross and ask you to kill all preconceived ideas I have about being a perfect woman. I ask you to crucify all misconceptions about serving you and what you find important and valuable. I take up my cross--the cross that says I'm worth dying for and so are the ones around me. I take up my identity as desired, loved, totally forgiven, totally free, and totally yours. I ask you to crucify my "to do list" mentality and transform my mind to a "to love" life. Love through me. Bring life to others by loving them through me. Bring life to me by correcting me when I do not receive your love either from you directly or via blessings of others. Father, your Word says you are love. I choose to crucify a spotless house, empty sink, immaculate nails, performance in every way to please others. I choose to crucify all forms of activities that are born of fear of rejection and not out of love. I choose to crucify the lie-Jerri that thinks there is an absolute right and absolute wrong, the lie-Jerri that thinks things have to be a specific way or they are not acceptable. I choose to take up the Jerri loved as she is, the one you delight in, the one who knows people are more important than clean floors and hearts are more important than dusted shelves. I choose to put on the Jerri that is willing to take detours and side roads of all kinds to show love to people--including the ones in my own home--that you want to love and value. Father, I don't really understand the "to love" life, but I want to. I want to live it with abandon to everything else. And, Lord, if people don't understand, I'll know I'm in good company. Explode forth the "to love" life in me that you want me to live, that you want to live in and through me. I'm ready. I love you. Amen.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009

Eventful Investing

Activities and events fill the squares of the calendar. Somewhere to go, and something to do...everyday. Often the motion only stops for brief stints at home to grab sustenance to keep us moving. Three weeks continue that way. Up early. Going hard. Asleep late.

Tomorrow promises to be a "blank" day, but my body wants to succumb to its fatigue...today. Now. Unfortunately, two things stand between me and my coveted bed: church and fireworks.

Church...necessary. Fireworks...negotiable...except they aren't.

Our family makes it a yearly jaunt to gather with hundreds or thousands of people, sit in lawn chairs, eat snacks, and stare upward into an inky black sky that explodes with the wonder of color and light. The children who used to find this terrifying now find it amazing, and we believe in feeding amazement.

But does it have to be fed this way...this year? One look at those faces answers me...yes. This year. Tonight. Now.

So after church we load up the van with lawn chairs, snacks, and family and head to a watching spot...and we watch. The children watch the fireworks. I watch the children. The smiles on their lips. The twinkle in their eyes. The contentment in their faces and body language.

Fireworks scribbled on the calendar as an event, but I know it is more. It is an investment. An investment into the lives of the young people God is growing in our home...into the lives of the children they will grow in theirs. It is not something we do, but something we speak. "You are worth the effort. You are valuable. You are my priority. I love you. I love to be with you. I may get tired, but not of you."

We return home, minds filled with fireworks, hearts filled with words unspoken, value deposited deeply...in silece...in actions that could have been dimissed as just another event. Instead, growing children chatter. Excitement flows into our living room with us. Faces glow, not with fireworks but with the warmth of being treasured.

Such is the return of purposed eventful investing.

Copyright Jerri Phillips 2009

Performing the Impossible

I've been thinking about Linda's and Jan's comments on "Deeply Meaningful". A few things have been running through my mind, and I thought I would share.

First, I misused the term "learned". I can't say that I learned anything new Christmas. It was, however, a time the Lord used to reinforce things He is teaching me and remind me of things I know and sometimes forget or need to value more than I do.

Second, what was represented is the 2007 model of Jerri Phillips. Thankfully, the Lord in all His gracious faithfulness took the 2006 model and worked out some more of the bugs, beat out some dents, and continued the motor overhaul He started years ago. Prayerfully, the 2008 model will be even better.

I realize it seems that I am stating the obvious, but I have found the "obvious" is not so obvious in our own lives. Sometimes it is easier to view our lives by viewing others, so I am laying some of my life out for you to see. Prayerfully, the Lord will show you whatever you need to see in your life not as a way the enemy can discourage you because of who or where you are right now but as a joyful possibility that we can receive as a promise because of the power of God.

By nature, I'm intense. I can't remember a time when I wasn't. I'm a prophetic personality for whom life works in black and white and legalistic performance is a temptation the enemy likes to dangle in front of me. Add to the mix my kinetic drive, and "doing" can be an almost overwhelming compulsion.

Lists can easily slip from being tools to prisons. Schedules go from being guidelines to being chains. Traditions go from joyous times of connection to "just another demand", and frankly, people can go from being blessings to hassles. And any of those things can happen before I realize I'm even on a slippery slope.

I have experienced the effects of a life controlled by the nature to do and become. I have struggled with feeling I have no value or worth because people of influence in my life were controlled by this unchecked drive. I have also been healed of those effects. Based on a promise the Lord gave me 20 years ago, I have committed that those effects will go no further down my family line. That means I have to be the change, and the Lord has allowed me to be just that.

I had ideas of what I wanted for my family, but honestly, they seemed like dreams. Some seemed so far beyond possibility that they appeared to be mere fantasy, but God is the God of the impossible. He has exceeded my hopes, brought dreams to pass, and shown fantasy to be an achievable reality.

It hasn't come easily. In fact, it is a battle I fight daily. I believe lots of people do. It's the nature of the flesh to perform, but the Spirit isn't about performing, and I choose life in the Spirit.

There are different ways to fight the battle, and I can't name all of them here, but I'll share a few things I have found to be extremely freeing...and fun, which is something intense personalities find foreign and odd.

I try to keep some simple criteria in mind.
--Is what I am doing showing someone they have value or lack value? At times, I have been so driven to finish a task, impress others, or feel successful outside my home that my behavior, words, and attitude clearly communicated to my family that they were not important. Any time my family is told they are not valuable, my priorities are out of line. Any time my achieving a goal devalues people, I am not representing God. God devalues no one. On the contrary, He declares we are priceless.
--Is this to prevent someone from rejecting me or to show others they are accepted? With our white Jack Russel Lab mix, white hair abounds. Everytime we vacuum, we joke about dumping the puppy out of the vacuum cleaner. We have a friend who simply doesn't handle dog hair well. If I know she is coming, I do all the cleaning I can to get up the dog hair for her sake. I no longer clean just so I can believe others are impressed by Domestic Diva abilities.
--Am I doing this because I think it needs to be done or because someone else does? If I'm going it just because someone expects me to, my mother did it, the women at church do it, or Martha Stewart of the Fly Lady does it, I don't need to be doing it. If I am doing it because I like it or my husband likes it, then it is for God's glory.
--If I am choosing between two things, which is an investment? If I have to choose between playing Zooreka with my children or dusting my mantel, the time with my children is the greater investment. The dust will be there when the children have their own mantels. We can dust while we chat on the phone together.

That gives you an idea of the crteria I try to use to keep my life ordered correctly.

There are also certain activities I have found useful in overcoming the compulsion to be in control and perform. I'll share some of those, too.

One thing I do is let the children lead. For folks like my husband, this is as natural as breathing. For folks like me, it takes time to learn to enjoy the unpredictable nature of such adventures. It is worth it, though.

The other thing I do is force myself to do something I know I am not good at or know nothing about. Sounds crazy. I know. It is crazy. It has also led to some of the hardest laughter I've ever experienced, some of the greatest memories I could ever hope to have, and some of the most intense deliverance and freedom I could have imagined. Actually, sometimes all of those things exceeded what I could have imagined.

So there you. There is glimpse at my life. Maybe you see yours in there. If so, I hope you see the part that says God is able to take wherever you are and whatever you struggle with and change it to be something that seems to glorious that it might even be beyond what you are able to dream.

The Jerri Phillips of Christmas 2007 is not the one that was here a year ago, and I don't believe she will be the one who is here next year. I believe next year's will be better. I hope by sharing my story you have been encouraged to believe the same for you.