For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Who I Really Am

One of the hard things about being separated and looking at the possibility of divorce is the change of identity and roles. Sometimes it is hard to get my feet under me concerning who I am and exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m a wife, but I’m not. I’m a single mom, but I’m not. I’ve always been the strong one that people depended on, and now, I feel like it is a great accomplishment to make sure we have three meals a day.

Most days I don’t feel like me, like the me I’ve been or the me I’ve wanted be. I’m not sure who this person is that cries so easily, struggles to battle feelings of rejection, and can’t function without a to do list. But surely, surely she isn’t really me.

This morning I lay in bed feeling heavy with the weight of everything, feeling like I’m fighting to get to get my feet under me, and I pray all I know to pray. “God, please give me a foundation to stand on because I’m sinking.”

I hope for a verse. Instead, I get love notes all day long.

(To read more, join me today at (in)courage .  Look forward to seeing you there.)

1 comment:

  1. Tracy, with deepest sincerity, thank you. Pryaer is everything. Thank you for your words of water to my soul. The Lord has repeatedly given me verses declaring He was making a new way in the wilderness and streams in the desert. He had not given me this verse, and it is a gift to me. Thank you for the joy of hope and encouragement. Bless you, and I will see you at "My Daily Walk in His Grace".