For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Monday, January 12, 2015

God is Good. This I Believe.

It's Monday morning around 10:00, and I am on the phone with Debra. Coming apart because it is four years later and so much still looks the same. People say they will help or call back or email the information...and don't. And once again I'm moving by myself, and I'm infinitely tired of having no one to have dinner with or just have coffee...just get out of the house with an adult. And lonely just flat sucks and...

The phone beeps. Scott is on his way over to help load heavy furniture into my truck so I can take it to the women's shelter.

Debra says she is sorry for not calling when she said she would but she really does love me, and I blow my nose and tell her I know because really I do. And in a split second, we're fine, and we laugh because four years ago we would not have been fine. She would have been defensive. I would have stayed mad. Silence would have dropped like smoke we couldn't find our way through.

The phone beeps again, and it's our neighbor a few doors down. The one who so totally adopted us. One of her precious granddaughters has been in the hospital with the flu the last few days. She has taken a serious turn for the worse and is being careflighted to the pediatric hospital with doctors who can deal with her existing health issues and the least we hope so.

I am getting off the phone with Debra when I realize the dryer is still running but should have been done a half hour ago. I check it to find out it is not heating at all. I have learned a lot in four years but not how to fix dryers. Well, I've changed out a heating element, but my friend Chris coached me through. I don't know if I can do it by myself.

I breathe deep and finish the sweeping I've been doing while I've been on the phone, and I'm mopping when Scott arrives and tells me he needs to take his car to the shop because the power steering went out on the way here. I look at the clock and wonder how in the world I will get everything done today that needs to be done because the for sale sign is planted in the front yard and the lockbox is on the door and being the list person I am, everything on the list has to be done or...probably nothing at all will happen but I can't think that straight right now.

When we get back, Scott and I discuss the furniture, and I don't have a for sure answer because two trips are easier, but long drive and ugh. BUT, he can fix a dryer, and I can't. So he crawls in the guts of the dryer, and I sweep and mop and am loading parts of loft beds in my truck when my neighbor stops for a hug. Then it occurs to me one of her daughters is in the midst of a major life change and might need the beds.

In the midst of all the sweeping, mopping, dryer multi-meter work, moving pavers, and so much not going according to plan, Heather texts me about Abraham and obedience and how obedience opens the door for blessing. She says it plain, that it what I'm doing, opening the door for blessings because I'm being obedient. I don't know whether to crumple to my knees in gratitude for the word, repentance for my angst, or in the simple wondrous living it loud that His strength stands when my falls.

Another phone beep. Turns out our neighbor's daughter can use the beds, and the whole reason they are still there is because Scott is still crawling around the guts of my dryer...but has pinned down the problem and found the part...which we can go pick up less than 20 minutes away.

But that isn't the big dryer issue. The big dryer issue is the burning smell WonderGirl smelled last night...and the burnt insulation/lint Scott found today...which is most likely what burned up the part in the first place. That is kind of the big deal. That could have been a horrible deal...but is just the kind of deal that says loud and clear...

That on this insane, not at all what it should be day when I would just like to have dinner with an adult and lonely sucks and...

The house is still standing.
The dryer is fixed.
I'm not by myself .
The beds are going to someone who needs them, and I don't have to move them.
The floors are swept and mopped.
Several things are marked off my to do list.
I'm taking Scott out to dinner.

And God is good.
Oh. My. Lands. God is good.

Yeah. This I believe.

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