For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Living Decisively

Last I left you, I was hanging with The Pit. I still am. In fact, she is sitting beside me on the loveseat on the deck as we enjoy the last hour of warm sunlight today. From where we are sitting, I can look out over most of the acre of land that came with the house, and I am pondering.

My life is sliding toward the middle of a major transition. WonderGirl is a sophomore in college, and WonderBoy is now a freshman in college, and you may be wondering how you missed that. Don't worry. In Texas, dual credit is a great option for high school kids. Although he is still a high school junior, he will finish the rest of his school taking college classes. So, they are flourishing and exploding with all things wonderful. They both have their driver's license now, and in the next month or two, I will buy a car for WonderBoy and me to share. Although right now, he rides with WonderGirl, that could change this summer, so I want us to both be ready. With all the awesome stuff they are doing, they are needing my intense timing less, which frees me up to do other things, and that is what I am pondering.

I have always wanted to be a vegetable gardener. I have great memories of my grandmother and me working in the garden, picking the vegetables, and canning lots jars for the winter. Part of me wants to be more like her, I think. She loved gardening. She relaxed in it. I know part of the gardening thing is nostalgia, but part of it is that I love fresh food straight from the garden. It has flavor that you can't buy in a store, or even at a farmer's market. So I was talking to my cousin about it over the weekend. She is a good gardener. She cans her food. You would have thought she grew up on the farm instead of me. She told me about keyhole gardening, so I researched, and it does sound wonderful, but I have to be honest. I don't know where I would get a dumpster full of cardboard, the (not so much grass) green stuff, or the ongoing food to feed through the compost chute. Plus, there is the time factor, and that has me stumped more than anything.

For the first time in my 48 years of life, I am an adult with no one who needs me all the time. I'm not trying to work out life around a husband or focusing on what is best for the kids. Granted, the kids play a huge role in my life still, but it is strange to not need to be needed all the time. Understand, "strange" is not bad. On the contrary, it is beautiful. I love having adult kids. I love watching them working their flight plans out so they can leave the nest. They are amazing people, and it is fun watching them becoming even more solid in who they are.

So I am wondering what to do with this freedom.

I have had the privilege of being home with the kids their whole lives, and I wouldn't trade that for anything, but it is nearing time for me to contribute to the world in other ways. So I am thinking job. I am wondering about classes. I am trying to order my days so I get work done on the house, get housework done, spend some time writing, keeping people as a priority, and volunteering more.

In all honesty, I am in the best place I have ever been in my life mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and physically, I'm working on it. Lost some significant weight, dealing with a plateau, but really liking the way my body is changing as I keep pushing myself with weights and construction projects.

In fact, I have considered volunteering with Habitat again. I really enjoy construction, and I know my way around a drill and hammer.

There really are a lot of possibilities, and it is easy to follow every whim that comes along. But right now, I have a dog I am committed to training sitting beside me, and she is not a small time investment. I am waiting to see how things shake out with some suggested programs at the sheriff's office, and I want to write seriously again. Plus, changing lifestyles is no small thing...or small time expenditure. Add the coffees and lunches and relationships, and I am wondering if a keyhole garden is a good thing, or a God thing. I've been caught in the trap of good v. God before, and I like to think I am not as easily fooled this time, but I didn't think I was being fooled before either. So, as the sun slips behind the fence, I am going to bid you good evening and go for a walk, listen to the quiet, and let the path come before me.

I pray you have a glorious evening.


1 comment:

  1. I've been wondering how things are going with Semper! Lots of decisions ahead of you - lots of exciting opportunities to choose from. :) And as for gardening, go for it! You don't have to start big, or even do keyhole gardening, just start with a few big pots or a small area of ground, and see how you get on. I'm a vege gardener, partly because it saves us some money, partly because of the huge satisfaction it gives me to be able to feed my family from what I've grown, and partly because it makes me happy down to my bones! Does that mean my garden is tidy, orderly and perfect? LOL! That would be a big no! Much to my poor husband's despair, my plants grow where they like, and I work around that. However, there's the good v God thing... it will become clear. Looking forward to hearing what you decide! Donna (NZ)