The Only Perfect Thing

This morning in church, the question was posed:
What one thing would make your life perfect?

The answers included more time, security, money, patience, faith.

I started not to say anything but heard myself blurt out:
God. Only God would make my life perfect.

There was the awkward look and the quip that I must be more spiritual than the others, and I wanted to reply:
No. I've just been crushed enough to know the truth.

The truth is "the perfect life" is a lie.

The Deceiver says the perfect life is one that is easy, comfortable, without stress. It is safe, controlled. And with that comes the mirage, or Big Lie Part 2: if you have the right stuff, you can make your life the perfect life.
If you have security, you won't have to worry about crazy happenings again.
If you have money, you won't have to worry about bills or finances.
If you have enough patience, you won't feel frustrated with situations or people.
If you have enough time, you will get everything done.
If you have enough faith, you can release the things into your life that you need so the struggles really aren't struggles at all.

But here is the truth:
There is no earthly thing that gives us control over circumstances or outcomes. Nothing.

None of those things keep our kids' hearts from being broken.
None of those things prevent crushing medical diagnoses.
None of those things promise peace in relationships.
None of those things guarantee we won't have struggles.

See, according to Jesus, the perfect life isn't a life without struggles. The perfect life is how we live within the struggle...Who we live within the struggle.

We have no control over what happens in our lives, but we control how we walk through what comes.
We have no way to prevent pain or suffering, but we can choose how we walk through the pain and suffering.
We cannot protect our children or grandchildren from struggles, but we can show them how to hold onto and trust God through those struggles.

The perfect life isn't about avoiding the hard road or the painful places. The perfect life just knows Who carries us as we walk the hard road and face the painful places, and the only thing that will ever make a perfect life is God.


copyright Jerri Kelley @ 2017

For Whatever Comes This Week

I know you may become exhausted this week.

I know you may want to just throw in the towel.

I know you may wonder why it has to be so blooming hard.

But whatever mountain you are facing, however big the giant,

stay in the fight.

If you can't fight, stand your ground.

If you cant' stand, hit your knees and pray.

A warrior on his/her knees covered in blood and mud is still a warrior winning the fight as long as you can still declare, "My God is good."

He is good.

He has you.

Keep trusting Him.

 

Soul Whisperings--It's a Warzone, and You Need to Run

Soul,

It's a warzone out there, and the enemy wants to destroy all you are and all you hold dear.

Run!

Run straight at that giant with your faith holding firm and know that giant does not come against you but against your God and all He says you are and all He says He will do in you and through you.

And that very same God will strengthen you and fully equip you to take that giant down.

Do not fear the giant but know that giant should fear your God.

This is the Package, and I Don't Apologize for It

In the last few weeks, I've been told I'm "belligerent", "talk too much", am overly opinionated, and some other things my husband told me the night he explained all the reasons he no longer wanted to be married. Only he put it into one big pile and called it "intimidating".

To these remarks, I would say:

If it is belligerent to be determined to break the status quo, to be a force to be reckoned with in a world going to hell, and refuse to believe my family will be part of those hideous statistics the news tosses out, you better believe I'm belligerent.

If being absolutely sure of my God, His abilities, His expectations of holiness, His grace when I fall, and the certainty that there is a right and wrong is opinionated, I really am sure I right.

Perhaps I do talk too much, but perhaps this country and our culture is on a high speed road to hell because people with the answers didn't talk enough.

And, yes, I expect other people who go by the title "Christian" to live up to a higher standard and to live with honor, integrity, and conviction that the normal crowd does not possess. If we don't, then we ARE the normal crowd, and of all the things Jesus was accused of, being normal wasn't one of them.

If that package intimidates you, I pray to God I am the most intimidating person you ever meet in your entire life, and I make no apologies.

Not All Princesses Are Created to be Soft

I'm sharing this here because some of you...well, you just need to know...not all princesses were made to be soft, some were made to be warriors, but they are ALL fearfully and wondrously made.
....
Finally finished my get-to-know-you paperwork for the ladies' group at church. I honestly didn't want to do it because...

Fave books: Stuff I've read lately that I enjoyed...
Marine Sniper
American Sniper
Fearless--Seal Team Six Member Adam Brown
On Killing (fab study on psychology)
Day of War (SO GOOD)
The Plain Fear series

Hobbies:
shooting and guns
archery
kayaking
fishing
volleyball
board games

Yes, I'm still coming out of the June Cleaver/pervertedProverbs31 indoctrination, and I'm still a bit self-conscious around church women. BUT, God woke me up at 0400 this morning and told me to finish the paperwork. He reminded of something a friend I deeply admire said to me when I was struggling with this before. He said, "Not all men like their princesses soft." Those were powerful words to me. This morning the Lord said, "Not all women want to be soft princesses. Someone is praying for someone to believe she can be a warrior princess. You are an answer to prayer."

So, paperwork done. The King has spoken His blessing, and He is ready. Let the royal warrior princesses come forth.

The Blessing of Others Outside the 24/7 Crisis Mode

"Have learned that even the wellest meaning can't be in crisis mode 24/7...even if you are. Sucks to know that. It's a harsh reality."

First of all, I applaud the courage to say this! Isn't this the absolute truth?!

And, you are right. No one can be in crisis mode 24/7, but I've learned that is a gift.

Sometimes when people aren't in crisis mode, if I give myself permission to step into their reality, it helps me. Either things get in perspective, or I just get a reprieve. Either is good.

For instance, I've had several times when I've called someone and said, "Just tell me about your day."

My closest friends now know that is my code for, "Really hard day. Need to step out of me so I can breathe and step back into it with a clearer mind and less emotion, so I need to step into you."

Usually, they start with, "Well, I did this mundane thing, which was followed by some other mundane thing, and then you won't believe how absurd this other wholly mundane thing was," and I listen and laugh, and we end up talking about all kinds of things. It feels so good to my soul.

When we are done, whatever was slamming me is usually not as bad because I'm not in emotion anymore. Emotion never handled a problem or allowed for healing. Emotions are indicators, not responders. If you want to actually deal with something, you have to think it through and respond. A clear mind is a powerful weapon when crisis comes.

Taking time to step out of the emotion can give the mind time to start grabbing truth, get a solid footing, and stand up to whatever is happening.

Having people who are not in the crisis gives me a chance to step outside of it, too, which allows me to think of how to respond instead of just react.

It's a great thing.

And you may be wondering how to do that. Simple. You choose.

Just like choosing to walk in out of the rain.

If you are walking down a street and it is pouring rain, you are going to get sopping wet. Now, you choose to stop by and say hello to some friends because you want a moment not to be rained on, and they invite you in to warm up by the fire. You walk in and stand by the fire. ENJOY THE FIRE. You aren't in there because you have to be. You aren't in there because your friends need you to be. You are in there because your friends have a fire they want to share with you. ENJOY THE FIRE.

Yes, I know you are still sopping wet, and it is still raining, and you still have a long way to walk.

But for right then, that moment ENJOY THE FIRE.

When I make those phone calls to friends or a friend offers to take me to paint, see a play, etc., I have a chance to step out of the rain and get warm by the fire. I choose not to think about the rain outside. I choose to focus on something good in that moment.

 

Part of healing is forcing the pain to yield to some happy.

And, yes, I have hurt so badly that no matter how 'happy' things were, I always felt the undercurrent of pain raging below the thin ice where I stood. I remember thinking I was never really happy, and I wasn't, not like I was before God shook up my life etcha-sketch. And there were times I hurt so much for what I had lost I couldn't feel joy for what others had. I think that is pretty normal, but, I refused to stay there.

I tried to focus on one thing that brought a smile to my face. I would pray fervently, "God, help me be happy for this person." I clung to anything that felt "better".

Sometimes, that is all a fire can do--make it better, but make the choice to enjoy the better. Sometimes you have to mentally fight to recognize that moment of better, but it is worth it. YOU are worth it.

And you are worth stepping out of crisis and enjoying the reprieve.

It's not escaping. It's catching your breath, and taking time to get off the battlefield with others who help you think about anything but the crisis raging in you is vital to being able to stay in the fight.

I know. There is a voice in the back of your head that calls it abandonment and disinterest, but I've learned that voice lies a lot.

Maybe God didn't put anyone in your crisis with you because He knew you needed to step out of your crisis for a bit and be with them.

And when the war is raging, a reprieve is a wondrous blessing.

Because Sometimes It Takes Thinking Like a Marine to Heal

When a man or woman joins the Marine Corps, he or she enters boot camp. For the next 13 weeks these men and women have one purpose: learn to be a Marine.

Their way of thinking is addressed. Their way of acting is corrected. Their entire mentality and identity is altered so that when they leave boot camp, they live in such a way as to bring honor to the USMC.

These weeks are imperative in the making of a Marine. It is simply impossible to be a Marine without them. While these men and women are in boot camp, no one is bashing them for not being in a war zone shooting a gun. No one is telling them how they are failing the Corps because they are not covering someone's back. No one is trashing them for only in training.

People are praying for them to succeed. Their instructors are working with them to become the best they possibly can be, usually even better than they thought they could be. People are proud of them for making the choice to think beyond themselves, to see a bigger picture, to look beyond the right now...to see the possibilities of a better life for themselves and for others.

No one considers boot camp a waste of time.

On the contrary, boot camp is essential to stepping out of the present and into the possible.

What does boot camp have to do with healing? Everything.

Because if you heal correctly...
...the way you see yourself changes.
...the way you think changes.
...the way you act changes.
...the conviction of purpose is born.

When you heal well, you no longer see yourself as a victim or as weak. You know longer see a screw up who always gets it wrong. You no longer define yourself by others attitudes, actions, and words.

Instead you realize...

You are strong.
You are essential.
You have the power to change how YOU act.
You choose to define yourself.
You define yourself according to the value God gave you and according to how HE sees you.
You choose how you respond to people and situations.
You set yourself free from the prison of the lies that have kept you chained to brokenness and allow yourself the freedom to investigate and enjoy being the masterpiece God made you to be.

You no longer see what was or has been.

You see what can be.

 

THAT is what healing does.

Healing allows you to step out of the present

and

into the possible.
 

Unfortunately, it usually takes more than 13 weeks, but when you reach the other side and realize how far you've come and you are so thrilled with this person you've become and so proud of the battles you've won...then you know...you didn't waste your time all. You invested it in you.

Looking Forward to the Best of Me

I've been spending some time considering our accomplishments and progress of the last year. Really, I am very happy with it all. We've come so far. We are doing great, and we are excited about where we are and where we are going. 

Really, it's good.

Now I am looking forward to next year and thinking about where I want us to get, what I want us to do, and the how of it all. I have a lot of ideas. Most of it is pretty typical or at least low key. Challenging but probably nothing that will make its way here.

 But as usual, I have ideas and "want to" things that trigger the voice in the back of my mind that says, "Um, maybe we should run this by someone and make sure you aren't crazy."

 I love when that voice goes off. It tells me we are offroading, and that is where the best of me comes out. :-)

Battle-Made Courage for Those Fighting the Battle

This morning I am thinking about courage.

The children and I are serving a local Relay for Life next spring. There are so many areas where we could serve, which is really what “leading” is. Leading is simply serving with an identifiable name tag.

When the opportunity to serve with Relay came up, I was surprised. Every door I have knocked on for an involved outlet has slammed shut, but this one opened right in front of me as I was walking down the hallway of life. The odd thing is we’ve participated with Relay before, and it wasn’t the greatest experience. We’ve never participated with this group, and if you had asked me what I wanted to do with my time and energy, this would have never hit the brain waves. BUT, oddly, once it popped up, I was excited.

It was not the kind of, “Thank you for the perfect thing I’ve been praying for the last forever but it is finally here,” kind of excited. It was the excitement of feeling like this is where I’m supposed to be, like there is something in me the people here need, like their world will be better because for this kairos moment in time God put me there.

So, I met with our community director Monday, and we went to the meeting last night, and the whole time I’m thinking, “I know I am supposed to be here, but really, nothing is grabbing my heart. None of this feels like me. None of this feels natural. None of this feels like breathing.”

When the meeting was over, I wondered if I had made a mistake. The kids were excited. We had ideas for theme and team themes, fundraisers, and so on. Everything seemed to be exactly what it should be, except me. I was lost.

Before we left, I took a moment to speak with our event chair, and somewhere in the conversation about dismal experiences, needing to feel encouraged, the caregivers need to be given care, and the courage it takes to take care of someone you love who may die, the answer came to me. THAT is my heart.

My heart is to care for the caregivers. My heart is to shepherd the sheepdogs. Who is taking care of the warriors who are watching over everyone else? Unless you’ve been a caregiver or a watchman or the sheepdog or the warrior, you don’t know the burden. You don’t know the responsibility.

 

As a caregiver in any capacity, you know how to cover others. You know how to pour yourself out so others get filled. You know how to give so others have. You know how to encourage others.

You also know how few encourage you.

 
There was a day a few months after my husband died when I sent a text to a few friends. It was a horrible day. Wonder Girl’s birthday had just passed. Mother’s Day was coming up, and I missed Mom horribly, not to mention it was my first Mother’s Day single, and what would have been a 20^th anniversary was looming not far ahead. Plus, I had just taken an emergency medical response class, which had generated dreams of Rob dying in my arms. Needless to say, it was an emotionally battering week, worse than the typical battering, and I sent a simple text saying I didn’t think I could get out of bed that day. The response was astonishing.

The first response said, “Jerri, you have the strongest faith of anyone I know. If you can’t have faith to get out of bed, what does that mean for the rest of us?”

Another one said, “I never took you for a quitter. Guess I was wrong.”

Two mentioned the fact that I had two kids to take care of so I had better get my butt out of bed and do my job.

One told me as a Christian I needed to repent for not trusting God and questioning His ability to help me with the day.

The other one didn’t reply. I was glad.

You might be appalled at those responses, and you might think they rare. Unfortunately, I’ve talked to a lot of warriors who have given and given until they are exhausted, and in a moment of courageous vulnerability reached for reinforcements only to be shot by the people they reached out to.

 

Rare is the person who grabs the reaching hand and holds strong, knowing even warriors need care.

But I know.

And this morning I am pondering how to care for these warriors—how to give them a place to breathe, give them a place to refuel, give them a hand they know won’t give way. I am considering how to encourage the courageous, how to let them know I think they are amazing for the path they have chosen.

 
How do I take my battle scars and turn them to balm?