"Jerri, love is patient. You need to love yourself more."
No clue what that really even means.
I pull out the dictionary.
bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
I think of the pastor's words: "People cannot forgive themselves because they are under the old covenant."
And I know he is wrong. People cannot forgive themselves because of the pain. Pain inflicted on the ones we love, on someone else, on ourselves.
My love evaporates in the presence of the pain...pain of failure, pain of shame, pain of consequence.
How am I to be patient when I am so good at inflicting pain?
Look at its synonyms.
It's hard to look at synonyms when all I see are the reasons to not be patient, but I breathe deep, ignore the wave of voices and shame and read...
How does one forgive the pain?
I am trying to understand when Love speaks loud.
Love understands. Few people are malicious. Most simply don't know a better way, don't know their priceless value, don't know they have a right to be more than what they've always been.
Love considers the humanness of people, the fact they were created with a breaking point, and if things get bad enough, the imperfect will show through, but love understands that is necessary for people to see the perfection of my love.
Love forgives because it knows the people are imperfect, and when they are hurting, they hurt others, and everyone does it, and everyone wants to be released from the forever consequences of their moment of failure. Love looks at the possibilities, not the past.
Jerri, understand that you are not malicious, that you are learning your value, that you are learning better ways, that you are learning you don't have to be what you've always been.
Consider that you are human, and when you are imperfect, it makes you run to Me seeking my perfection to cover you, and I will never shame you for needing me.
Forgive yourself. Embrace the possibilities and quit flogging yourself with the past.
Love is patient, Jer. Be patient with yourself.
Love is patient. It understands, considers, and forgives.
Be patient with yourself.