Hold on. I have to get a cup of coffee. I know. As I write this, it is nearly 8:00 pm, and you are sure I won't be able to sleep tonight, but really, if I don't sleep tonight, it'll be because my mind is racing with ideas and thoughts and plans and...coffee. I need coffee.
Okay, the truth is, I don't need coffee. What I need is to stop the voices in my head screaming, "WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!"
I just committed to posting everyday until we are through reading the Bible, so at least a year. Daily Gypsy Ponderings...for a year. I already know I have oral surgery coming up in February, and I am hoping you can take some trips, and...there is no way in the world I can do this. This is crazy.
And it is crazy.
But I prayed for something crazy. I asked for something impossible. I prayed specifically:
My prayer for 2014:
To be courageous enough to
look stupid by trying REALLY big
feeling stupid for not trying big enough.
And here I am a few weeks later launching this crazy huge writing project that I cannot possibly even keep up with, and this part of me that keeps wanting to stop breathing keeps gasping for me to pull it down. Say it was a mistake. Say I didn't intend to post anything. Except--
It isn't a mistake.
I did intend to post it.
My friend John Perron served in the Marine Corps for 9 1/2 years, and we were discussing the Marine mindset one day. In the course of discussion, I asked him how they saw themselves mentally. What was their personal identity? John answered simply.
"We were never really allowed to believe we could fail."
Those words have reverberated through my spirit since he spoke them to me.
If I knew I could do anything and not fail, what would I do?
I have tried for over two years to think of an answer, but I had none. Then in the end of 2013, the question changed.
If you could do anything
and know God would not fail you,
what would you do?
I knew that answer.
I would do something so big that there is no possible way I could take credit for its success.
I would do something so big that His fingerprints were all over it.
I would do something so big that it stretched me beyond anything I ever thought possible.
I would do something so big it would show how big He is.
So here I am sipping coffee from a mug that reminds me of the Marine mindset, and I refuse to allow myself to believe I can fail, not because of who I am or what I can do, but because of who He is and what He has promised to do.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
And to the voices screaming, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!" I say simply:
I have chosen to leap...
...not because I cannot fail...
...but because I trust He will not fail.