For a few very hard years this word was my mantra.
The word means
-undismayed; not discouraged; not forced to abandon purpose or effort
-undiminished in courage or valor; not giving way to fear
But the truth is, I was often dismayed by everything that had taken place, and I did battle discouragement. I battled fear and doubts. I hurt and was angry, and sometimes "undaunted" sounded more like a mockery than a mantra, and I was determined to be real about all of it in these posts, thus the name, Undaunted Reality. More than that, though, I was determined to live undaunted, not because I'm so great or strong, but because my God is, and no matter what this world looks like, He is the only reality that matters.
I pray I live the reality of Him beautifully undaunted.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Better Answer--Part 9, The Power of Invasion

As much as I would have loved to have someone offer to mow my yard, fix different things, help in different ways, what I cherish beyond all words are the few people who had the courage to invade when I told them they didn't have to.

Asking for help because I don't have the physical ability or knowledge to use a tool or fix something is one thing. Needing help because my mind or emotions have turned against me...not acceptable.

To have someone who notices when I'm too quiet on FB, haven't texted in a few days, am not picking up my phone, or particular things I say about working in the flowerbeds, turning in paperwork at the court house (where I had to file the divorce petition), or writing thank you notes for those who sent flowers to the funeral...those things are priceless.

As nice as it would be for people to tell us exactly what they need and let us do it, they don't. People don't want others to see their insanity. They don't want people to see them at their worst. So they push through to the best of their ability or shut down when they simply can't go on, and people are too afraid to make them mad or make them cry that they say and do nothing because they are waiting for that "any time you need me" clause to be activated. Except, no one is going to activate it.

So how do you let the person know you are serious about your willingness to be there...even when it is insane?

You invade.

Seriously. Show up at their door with coffee, a movie, dinner, a blender to make margaritas.

I hated evenings after 8:00 pm. The house is quiet. The lack of companionship was a nightmare. I would have loved for someone to show up with a game or a movie and said, "I'm just here to be here." I'm not saying people need to do that every night, but being alone night after night after a day of being the only parent/counselor/teacher/disciplinarian/social-planner/budget-meeter/order-keeper is mentally and emotionally battering. Someone with coffee and a movie who is willing to just be there with

Show up with McDonald's for the kids, a box of kleenex, and a few hours to sit and listen.

Fix a picnic and say, "Let's get out of the house awhile."


Your job isn't to get them out of their rut or to make them see life isn't so bad. If you do that, they aren't going to want you. I wouldn't want you. That is about you, your opinions, and your comfort zones.

This is about them.

Your whole purpose is to be there...with them...where they are.

Sometimes they don't know how to ask you to be there. Sometimes they don't know what they really even need. They just know they need something...someone...because the demands are too many...the load is too large.

Be courageous.
Be what they need.
Do what they need you to do.


  1. This is where being a good listener really comes in. Sometimes, the person who is hurting will tell you things in advance or share a piece of their heart or hurt with you, but you have to take that piece of information in and then be ready to act on it. I have a friend who finds Saturdays tough because of her current circumstances. So, on that day, I am especially attentive to her and her needs.

  2. Amen, sister! Can I share this? This is SOLID.
    "Sometimes, the person who is hurting will tell you things in advance or share a piece of their heart or hurt with you, but you have to take that piece of information in and then be ready to act on it."
    Right there. That is as pure and perfect as it gets.